Saturday, May 10, 2008


I just wanted to let you all know that I read each and everyone of your comments. They are so uplifting to me and make me giggle. Thank you for all the support of shaved heads and donations to locks of love. I think it is awesome.
This is the 2nd day after my 3rd chemo treatment. I have to honestly say that this one has been the least pleasant.
I don't think I have mentioned her on this blog yet but I met a lady, Karen Esplin at my first treatment who is a wonderful inspiration to me. We have set all our chemo's to coincide. It makes it fun to have her there. She is uplifting and spiritual which brings a good spirit not only to me but to everyone in that room.
Here is another portion of my journal:
This is dated on March 25:

I made the Doctor apointment with Karen Tormey on Tuesday, March25. I explained everything to the doc and expected her to agree that is was just a clogged milk duct. She did. But she wanted to bring her ultrasound machine in to confirm. A few minutes later she came in with the machine. She finally concluded that it was a little abnormal and she needed to perform a few more tasks to come to a conclusion.
She wanted to see if she could extract some milk through a needle to confirm this belief of a clogged milk duct. She informed me that she was first going to use a “smaller” needle and then if that didn’t work, she would use a larger one. The “smaller” needle was not small. I hate needles. I can tolerate them when I am pregnant with all the blood tests and everything but I usually just don’t watch. This supposedly smaller needle was, now I might be exaggerating but I swear to be true, about 1 ½” to 2” in just the needle length.
I felt the pinch and winced. Nothing came out. Crap! Now I had to see the larger needle.
This time she said she would numb me a bit so I didn’t feel the pain. By this time the anxiety started to set. This time she came back in with he nurse, a tray, some equipment and anesthetics.She proceeded to take 3 or 4 (I cant really remember) specimen from the larger lump and 1 from the smaller one.
She informed me that results would be back from pathology in about 4 days. She told me it could be one of two things. Either a lactating adenoma, a benign tumor which pregnant women occasionally get and eventually disappears or it could be cancer. But I knew that it was going to be the first mentioned. How could it not be.
I picked up my son from the waiting room and went on my way.
I honestly didn’t think anything of it.
The following Thursday started off pretty normal.
At 11:30 a.m. I got the phone call. It was Dr. Tormey. She asked how I was recovering from the needles. I told her a little bruised and tender but that was okay. She immediately got to the point.
“I got the results back from your biopsy…”
“Really?” I said. “That was quick.”
She than told me that they tested positive for cancer.
“You’re kidding….” Yeah. Like a doctor is going to call you and tell you have breast cancer and then say, “Just kidding!”
“How? I am only 28?!” I could feel the panic and anxiety start to set in. What do I do? How far a long am I?
I asked her what happens next. She told me that she would set up a meeting with an oncologist and asked if I had a preference. She told me of two and I just told her to pick one. I didn’t have any idea. She chose for me a Dr. Robert Lemon. She also told me that she had called my OBGYN and informed him. They would collectively decide what plan of action to take including the birth of my unborn child. She calmly told me to call my husband and mom and whatever support group I needed. Then we hung up.


Emz said...

Hey sugar! Thanks for all the updates ... We're all thinking about you.

Lots of love


Emily said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

Geez, Paige - you really are beautiful both with and without hair! So not fair. Of course, I guess we've all figured out that lots of things aren't fair... Much love from the Midwest.

Em (H)

Karen E said...

Paige, you are the one who is the inspiration to me with your positive attitude. I don't want to do a chemo without you. Thanks for your patience with all my talking, it really helps me to talk :)
I know the lord is blessing us both. Love Karen Esplin

XOXO said...

Hi Paige,

You don't know me but I'm Emily H.'s sister. If you ever need to come up to Provo or Salt Lake for treatments, I will gladly watch the kids, etc. for you. And Emily is right--you're just gorgeous even without hair!


Alayna Williamson said...

Hi Paige -

This is your favorite cousin-in-law Alayna. I just want you to know that we are thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Elijah is the best, he never forgets you in any of his prayers. You are right in between bless the food and bless dad to get home from work. With his speech disability, he says Bless Pay. We know what he means and so does Heavenly Father. I know He will bless you!

We are planning on coming down to visit - I think sometime in June. Can't wait to see you!

Thanks for the blog updates.

- Alayna