Allred Times

Relay for Life

2010-04-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

I am only 4 days until the race. I have almost reached my goal of $100 but would appreciate anything above and beyond that. Of course, I am grateful for anything.

So far I am scheduled for the survivor walk at 5 p.m. and then I am running at 7. We are only a small team and are running for 24 hours so it is very possible that I may be running sometime in the midnight hours. If you still want to donate or join the team, you can click here!

My sabbatical it almost up so I will be returning to the blogging world soon. I have been working arduously on a project that I had to drop a few of my extra curriculars in order for me to keep my sanity and complete it.

I don't have much of anything exciting beyond that though so I can't guarantee that my blog will be interesting enough to read.

Thanks in advance for all your support!!

coming out....

2010-04-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

I am coming out of hiding for a few. I know this is kind of a selfish subject to blog about after not blogging for well over 4 months, but I figured I would still at least post it.

I am running in the St. George Relay for Life on Friday, April 23 starting at noon.

Since I am running I am in need of.....that's right....you guessed it......DONATIONS!

(I really hate asking people for money, but it is a tax right off)!

I only need to raise $100 but anything over that is really appreciated. You don't have to worry that I will pocket the money myself because you actually donate it directly through the Relay for Life Foundation.

I have included a link to my Participant Page where you can read more about it and why I am doing it and see my awesome bald head (in case you forgot).

There are just too many people out there affected by cancer (and too many that I am knowing more and more personally).

Puhleeeaase help me out. And, if you are in the area, come on over to the Dixie College stadium to cheer my team on. We are running for 24 hours straight starting at noon. If you would like to join the team you can do so also!

Thanks in advance, and I promise, I will come out of my blogging shell again sometime in the near future!

Click here for my page and to donate

or....

Click here if you want to join the team!

a leave of absence

2010-01-21T17:49:00.000-08:00

The title of the post says it all.
I haven't forgotten about all my faithful readers. The holidays caught up with me and I realized that I spend way too much time away from my kids. I am on sabbatical for a while.
I have completely been consumed and I find that I can't do 3 million things at once.

sooo.....

I am taking a break from blogging....only temporary.

Please hang in there. I will return soon....

If I am absent too long, I will try to post another update again.

Thanks again to all my faithful readers.

Oh yes. And I did turn the big 3-0 today. Whew. Thanks for all the facebook comments of birthday wishes!!

(note: turning 30 really does have nothing to do with breaking from blogging. It just happens to be my birthday as a write this).

A new love affair

2009-12-23T09:12:00.000-08:00

My family went to (deep breath) Panaca a couple of weekends ago to visit my brother. Despite the population size of this small community, I actually really enjoy going up there to see him. Even though we end up playing guitar hero on the X-Box most of the time, I savor the time spent with my brother, his wife and 3 kids (I swear Alice, we don't use you for your video games)!

We make it a tradition to go up there every year after Thanksgiving, but I didn't make it last year because I was in the middle of radiation.

Before we left Panaca, we headed up to the mountains to cut down our Christmas tree.

We always get a miniature size tree for the kids to put in their room and decorate.

We only had the boys (my girls were at Grandma's), so when we got home it was love at first sight for Drue. She saw the mini-tree and there was no separating her from its pokey needles and sad-disposition.

Upon tucking my kids in for the evening, this is what I found next to Drue:

The next morning, she insisted upon taking it to school with her. I gently told her that the tree needed to stay home or else it would die.

"BUT YOU ALREADY KILLED IT!!!"

Yes. She is right. I stand corrected. What have I learned? I can't fool a 7 year old anymore.

Give Away Winner!!

2009-12-23T09:10:00.001-08:00

Thank you for all the emails and posting comments for entries. I am constantly amazed at who actually reads this thing.

The winner of the 2 aprons is:

BECK

Congratulations.

If you would please email me your information so I can get it shipped to you, I will process it right away.

I need your shipping address and telephone number.

Contact me at
paigeallred@yahoo.com

Again, thanks for all the entries and all your love and support! I look forward to my next give away!!

Give Away!!!

2009-12-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

Here it is! The moment all my faithful readers have been waiting for. My first give-away!

I am giving away 2, not one but TWO adorable aprons.

Check out Rachel Ray Cookware to go with this awesome give away apron!

OFFICIAL RULES:

In order to be entered into this awesome giveaway, you will want to do one or more of the following (maximum of 3 entries):

1. Become a follower on this blog (if you already are a follower, email or post a comment stating so paigeallred@yahoo.com)

2. Email at least 5 people with a link to this website (copy me on the email so I can verify link)

3. Tweet, blog, facebook, etc. about this giveaway and send me an email (see above email address) with a link to site posted.

For each entry, you will want to leave a comment on the blog with your initials, email or username. Deadline is by Tuesday 11 p.m. I will announce the winners on Wednesday, December 23 at at 11 or 12-ish depending on when I feel like it!

Like I mentioned before, I won't play favorites to friends and family, but you are still more than welcome to enter.

Merry Christmas to all and good luck!

PaddiCakes Online

2009-12-18T15:28:00.000-08:00

This is just a big thanks to everyone who showed up to a successful night. I had a lot of requests on facebook and this blog about the sale for out-of-towners.

I have continued the sale on our website for anyone not local. You will have to browse the website to see the huge discounts and sales.

Keep in mind that anything you might order WILL NOT be there by Christmas. It is too late and I just can't guarantee anything. I will do everything in my power to have everything out by Monday with anything that is ordered over the weekend.

If you are local and don't want to pay shipping, just call one of us and we will arrange for you to pick up your order.

Also, I am conducting a give-away on this blog. That's right. It is just a big THANK YOU to all of my readers. You are not going to want to miss it. There will be some rules on number of entries but I am super excited......I actually thought about keeping the item for myself, but I figured it is the least I can do for all my avid readers. Watch for that this coming Monday! (Sorry, I won't play favorites to friends or family. Winner will be selected at random).

PaddiCakes Blow Out Sale!

2009-12-16T10:31:00.000-08:00

PaddiCakes is having a huge Blow Out End of Year Sale. Up to 75% off on marked inventory. You won't want to miss this.

When: Today, Wednesday, December 16

Time: 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Where: Jedora Estate 2560 S. 1930 E (Gubler Home) St. George, UT

Why: Because we will be clearing out ALL our stuff to welcome in the new year of supplies. Everything must go!

Tutus

HeadBands

Swaddlers

Watches

Leggings

Beanies

Aprons

Onesies

Binky Clips

Gifts

5 Piece Boy's Suits

Hair Bows

Pumped

2009-12-10T08:41:00.001-08:00

I went to my doctor three weeks ago and got my breasts inflated. (Now there is a sentence you just don't hear enough).I honestly didn't know what to expect. I sort of imagined it to be similar to when I was 16. Don't make any unfair judgements now. I am referring to my braces!

I dreaded going in for my monthly tightening. It would always put me in a dull sort of aching mouthful of pain afterward. I could only eat soft foods. Of course, I wasn't really one for following rules in the first place. I always welcomed taffy and other sticky candies into my everyday consumption.

Getting back to the story: I always knew that those tightening would pay off. And it did. The day I got my braces off, I was a whole new teenager with a new found confidence.So, I go into my doctor 2 weeks ago and he decides it is time to had some bulk to my boobs. He explains the whole process. (I was trying to describe it to my husband, he was so fascinated he has decided to join me in my next inflation). I didn't feel a thing. I go home, continue on with the rest of my day, and then it hits me. Yeeeooowww! It really was like getting your braces tightened.

Fortunately, the pain subsided after a couple of days and I am now feeling better than ever. Now, I will refer back to my braces and find a similar outlook that one day, all this will pay off. I went in again on Monday for my second pump. I am officially at 75 cc's. (Sadly, this is what my natural size was.....)

Twilight New Moon Bracelet

2009-12-03T10:05:00.000-08:00

We recently participated in the Santa's Workshop here in St. George where we sold several things out of our store. One of the new things we made this year were these Twilight - New Moon Jewelry Pendants and bracelets. I have decided to offer these awesome bracelets on this blog today. You can check them out on the PaddiCake website or you can buy them here on my blog.

Either way, we do require payment up front because of the cost to make the bracelet. With that said, here it is:

- They measure 8" long and 7/8" wide.
- Each necklace is handcrafted with precision
- They are silver plated and high quality.
- They have six frames that contain New Moon pictures and Black and White Damask Patterns.
- 24" nickel plated ball chain.
- Works great when you want to personalize a gift for someone

Paddicakes is proud to bring you the latest fashionable hand made Twilight Bracelets. These bracelets are a Jill Mackay Collection.

This bracelet is unique as there is no other bracelet like it. Be the envy among all your Twilight Friends and be the first to own one. These bracelets will make great presents for the upcoming holidays.

Update Karen!

2009-12-01T08:13:00.000-08:00

Firstly, a girl I went to highschool with has this amazing blog that has reviews and everything. Click here to read more. She created this fabulous button for Karen that you can click go straight to Karen's website to donate.

I am posting the button on this blog. If you want you can go here to copy and paste the button to your website/blog.

Secondly, I called Karen last week to find out the results of her PET Scan. I know how badly I get anxiety waiting to hear the results. I knew I could somewhat empathize with Karen. When she answered she sounded chipper than she had a few weeks prior. She happily and miraculously reported to me that the cancer was GONE!! What? I just about fell off my chair. Well, really I was driving so logically I just about swerved off the road (don't worry, blue tooth was in use). She told me that it didn't look like the chemo was effecting the cancer but somehow, with this last scan, the cancer was gone. It has only confirmed my belief in a Higher Power even more! I know He is what healed me and now Karen too. The doctors and everyone, including her and me, were so elated and amazed!

What a great way to start the Christmas season!

Thank you for all your support. She still needs help paying for all the chemo she had so if you still feel so inclined to help, just click the Paypal button to the right or her button.

Carin' for Karen

2009-11-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

I am just trying to put the word out there....

Shortly after I was diagnosed, having a newborn baby and the stress of fighting cancer, I was being hard on myself. A few of my neighbors decided to hire their cleaning lady, Karen, to come and clean my home.

At my door I found one of the nicest people I had met in a long time. Karen not only cleaned my house that day, but continued to show up week after week, chemo after chemo, and clean. She wouldn't allow me to pay her. She told me if I payed her she would stop coming. I was so grateful for her. She was an answer to my prayers.

About 1 year later, Karen called me on the phone and told me she had Lymphoma. I was devastated to hear the news. I told her, of course, that it was contagious and she contracted it from me.

So far, chemo hasn't been working for Karen. I am not able to do much for her, so I am using this and my readers as a plea for help on behalf of Karen.She is having a 5K run/walk on November 28. ALL of the donations are going to her to help with the costs.Puh-lease! Help Karen. Even if you can't do the 5K you can click here. It will take you to her blogspot and you can donate through paypal. I will also post a paypal button on this website to the right and any donation would be kind. I may not be able to clean her home for her, but I certainly can rouse up some blog talk.

Halloween??

2009-11-09T20:20:00.000-08:00

I know, it is 2 weeks after the date and I am just now getting to this post. In all honesty, I actually wrote this a weeks and a half ago....I just forgot to post it.

How is it that everyone LOVES Halloween. Am I really not a fun mom because I am not thrilled with it. I do love seeing my kids dressed up and I think my favorite part is painting there faces (see pictures below) but I really don't love the holiday like most people.

I don't like the thought of my kids getting candy that usually lasts us until the next major candied holiday (Valentine's Day) and then I have to regulate who gets what and listen to them fight over it.

I have always been the mom that makes all the kids dump their sugar in a communal bowl and they all share it. I regulate how much they eat each day. But, sometimes, a part of me wants them to just have at it just to get the darn stuff out and over with. Let them get belly aches and rotten teeth. How bad can it be....really?

That said, I will share my kids awesome photos. The only one I didn't get was Chay. I turned her into a bloody hippie. I dare say, she was one of my favorite ones.

Pooh Bear Ethan (you can't see the cowboy boots that makes up this ensemble).

Sith Lord Josh

Ballerina Drue

Shadow Ninja D'monte

Trailer Trash Husband

(He recently underwent some weightloss. The handlebar mustache is due to the fact that I just plain hate it and he is doing it to annoy me.....oh, I can hold out, I can....)

Lori's, Vickie's, and Val's

2009-11-06T09:14:00.003-08:00

These are the names I am giving my drugs.

Lori = Lortab

Vickie = Vicodin

Val = Valium

I had my post-op visits this past week. I have been taking the first 2 when I feel pain (shivering is the WORST).

I meet with Dr. Klomp (my reconstruction genius). He asked if I was on Valium. Huh? The first thing that pops into my head is The Freshmen by the The Verve Pipe, "His girl took a week's worth of Valium and slept..." (seriously, whatever happened to those guys)?

Isn't Valium for people who are overly excited?

He calmed me by saying it is only a muscle relaxer and he was only going to give me the lowest dose possible. "In fact," he said, "You can even take 2 if you need."

Hmmmm. So I came home, after a painful day of driving and no pain killers and took 2 Valium (the "lowest" dose possible). 30 minutes later, I was high as a kite. I even whomped my head on my boy's bunkbed and started giggling after I fell to the ground because I didn't really care.

Last night, as I was in pain again from shivering at my nephew's football game, I came home and Josh readily had 2 Valium for me. I replaced the one back to the bottle and told him I wasn't going to go there again....one would be plenty.

"Awwww," he whined, "but you were so fun with 2."

And there you have it. A drugged mom and housewife with no chest and my husband is persuading me to take more drugs.

Eye on the prize. Eye on the prize.

Pain

2009-10-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

I posted this on my other blog also, so if you read both, I apologize for being redundant.

Allow me to wallow in my own pity for a moment. I try not to do it often so just humor me

I consider myself to be a a fairly strong woman. I don't succumb to pain much. I force myself through it.

And now I will proceed to put my foot in my mouth and possibly feast on my own words here.

This surgery, by far, is the worst yet. They have finally removed my port (which I asked to keep....as a souvenir), cut off my left breast and place expander underneath the muscle in both sides of my chest. Not a whole lot of fun. I would really like to head home today but it is not looking very hopeful.

My Doctor asked me if I felt like a train wreck. That is putting it mildly. I told my husband it feels like a herd of Clydesdale horses stampeded my chest.
Don't let the innocent look fool you.....

Not once, and mean NOT ONCE, did I ever throw up from a single chemo treatment.

Just since the surgery I have already lost my cookies 3 times. I can't seem to keep anything down.....and the pain.....oh the pain....I dare say, it is worse than child birth. I just have to keep my eye on the prize. 6 months from now I will be a whole new women with a new set of boobs. Eye on the prize. Eye on the prize.

'Til then? I continue to eat crackers and be doped on morphine and lortab until they release me for home. One of the goals my nurses wrote on the whiteboard was to "Tolerate Diet." So far, not much luck!

la-de-da

2009-10-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here in the hospital pre-op waiting for my surgery and they just informed me it will be another hour.

Yikes!

When I came in they were routinely attempting to poke me with a needle to yield some blood for the lab. They couldn't find one to get enough juice out. I sarcastically had to tell them it was because I was instructed not to eat or drink anything since midnight last night so I am dehydrated.
What did they expect?!

My husband is in the corner, mourning the loss of the last of my ta-ta. Oh the pain and agony he must be going through....uh....yeah?

We took our family on the Cabo cruise and returned late Saturday. I arrived only to find out that the hospital was trying to reach me to register me for my surgery. It was this same surgery that I was told 2 weeks ago was "off" because both surgeons couldn't be present. Apparently while I was basking in the remnants Hurricane Rick, the doctors had a pow-wow and decided to put me back on their schedule. Which leads me to now. Sitting in the hospital room, starving, and waiting. Did I mention I am hungry?

At least this surgery I gain something from. In approximately 6 months I will be the proud owner of a new rack!

(Sorry, no pictures with this one.....if I did, I might get slapped for pornography. Although, is it pornography if there is technically nothin' there?)

Showers and hair

2009-10-03T10:53:00.001-07:00

On my website, I post a weekly cancer joke. I know it is kind of cynnical but I do it anyway. I have been getting a lot of hits. This last week I posted this one:

What's the best thing about having cancer?

Shorter showers.

Although, I would like to think that this joke originally came from me.
After I shaved my hair (I shaved it the morning after my husband was stroking my head and clumps were falling out....another post....another time), I was taking a shower and routinely squirted a blob of shampoo in my hand and proceeded to lather, rinse, repeat. It dawned on me, as I was scrubbing my folicly challenged scalp, that there was nothing their to wash. I replaced the shampoo to its resting place for the next 9 months, never to be opened again during that time.

Soon after the loss of my hair, I discovered that I know longer needed to shave my legs nor pits. It was a heavenly experience. The last to go was my eyelashes and eyebrows. It occurred to me one day, while I was scraping mascara onto my eyelids and poking myself with little fine bristels, that it was probably a moot point. I retired the mascara. I did creative with my eyebrows and drew them on relative to my day (angry eyebrows, excited eyebrows, etc.).

All in all? My preparation time in the morning dropped to 5 minutes flat.
My husband would joke that our water bill had gone down substantially.
Hmmmm. Maybe so, but I still don't think a fair enough trade with all the doctor bills coming in....

See Footlooseandcancerfree.com

I got my PET Scan yesterday. What a fun that ordeal always is!

Coupled with Anxiety and Starvation for the test, it made for a good day for me yesterday!

I will post the results later....but in case I forget, just assume that no news is good news!

THANK YOU!

2009-09-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

HOLY COW!!!

Swiss Days was amazing and I have all of you guys to thank! We did better than we could have ever imagined!

I will post all the remainder items for sale on our website within the next week!

Be on the look out for us at Santa's Workshop or Dickens Festival with new items and original creations (we haven't decided which one to do yet).

Swiss Days

2009-09-20T11:43:00.001-07:00

It's coming. Swiss Days. It is a wonderful tradition of my little town, Santa Clara. I am happy to announce that my business, PaddiCakes (see link to the right or click here) has a booth this year. We just got our new shipment of dresses and are also really excited to launch a few new products this year. We haven't got the new inventory on our website yet. Check back in later to see it all. If you are in the area, stop by our booth. Say "hi." Even if I don't seem to recognize you (darn chemo-head....I forget entirely too much lately)!

Swiss Days is this Friday and Saturday, September 25-26.

In the meantime, here is a sneak peak at some of our dresses:

Josher's

2009-09-15T07:45:00.001-07:00

I took these pictures the other day on Josh's first day of preschool. I love 'em. I have to give a shout out to my husband (who never reads this blog) for giving me such an awesome camera! Thanks babe! Love ya!

This is Ally, my neice. She is sooooo photogenic!

(don't forget to check out my website/other blog: Footloose and Cancer Free)

Pure genuis...

2009-09-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

Just to clarify the last post. The stunt performed by my kids were nothing less than an act of pure genius (sense the sarcasm in my writing). I am always getting after my kids to not do idiotic things that may cause harm. This was one of those.
No.
No trampoline.
No soft cushioning to break the landing.
No water.
Just ground.
They thought it would be fun to see who could get the highest. I have the proof. Now, when they get hurt I can say, "I told you so."
I consistently tell them I don't have sympathy when they get hurt doing stunts like these.
Take Drue, for example, I walked in the living room just in time to see her jump off the chair on to nothing but carpet, flat on her rear. Oh. She cried. Did I show any emotion? Nope. I don't doubt that she hurt herself. I held her but told her it was only at the fault of herself.

It is only a miracle that we have never had any broken bones...knock on wood.

You decide

2009-09-01T11:17:00.000-07:00

Is this safe?!

Now I've done it...

2009-08-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

I have created a new blog.
I am sending you all this link and encourage you to get the word out for me. That's right. I started this blog for people who want to relate to anything I have to say. It is called

Footloose and Cancer Free.

It is not just for people have cancer though. I am hoping to bring some humor and helpful insights to people of all ages. Feel free to leave comments and send me tips. I am more than happy to post any input anyone has to offer. Whether you have personally experienced it, know someone who has or just think you might have something useful to say drop me a word or 2 at paigeallred@yahoo.com
I may even publish your thoughts if you want me to.
So far, my first post I took from the inspiration of my Sister-in-Law, Claire. You may want to read her inspiring story of a painful in-grown toenail here.

Uh....I never know how to title my posts so this is all you get.

2009-07-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

It's official. I am a slacker. We just spent a fantastic week in Georgia with family and friends. I took my camera to confirm the memories. However, everyplace we went, I forgot to actually take out my camera and snap the shots. I didn't get one single photo of the entire 8 days we were there. For all you know, we never went. There is no proof. No visual evidence of our stay other than my word.

It was beautiful and we had a pleasant time. The kids turned into fish and swam nearly all day everyday in the pool. My niece and nephew (Chay, 12 years old; D'monte, 8 years old) had never been on an airplane. The flight there was slightly bumpy. We sat in the very back of the plane and every time we hit turbulence the kids would whoop and hollar like a ride at Disneyland. The lady in front of me turned around at one point and said, "At least their having fun." I would have to agree. Ahhhhhh. To be a child again and enjoy some of the simpler things of life.

I need to first say that I am very happy to be healthy and alive. So, when you read the rest, you don't find me ungrateful.
I love my family and am thankful that I was literally give a second chance at life.
However.....(here it comes).....I am getting extremely frustrated with the insurance bureaucracy. I still have not gotten my 2nd mastectomy, even though I have a high percentage of it coming back if I don't get it done. My insurance has said they are not going to pay for it because it is not medically necessary. Wha?!?!?
So their reasoning is that they don't want to pay for it now because it is cosmetic, but they are willing to pay for me to go through chemo and radiation again (all of which cost waayyyyyy more than a simple mastectomy). Does any of this make sense? The only way they will cover the cost is if I have cancer in that side (thank heavens I don't) or if I test positive for the BRCA gene (a test that confirms you carry the breast cancer gene). Well, a year ago, they denied the claim of the BRCA test because they said I was at too much of a risk (meaning I was going to die anyway, so what is the point in paying for it)! Really, I am not making this up.
So, in conclusion? I am alive. Yippee! I am still in remission! I have a wonderful family! I am on my way to changing my gender.......okay just kidding on the last part. But sometimes that is how I feel. I have no reproductive organs, a half a set of ta-ta's, and my hair is still boy short (but growing rapidly).
Really, I am very grateful for everything I have. I just have months of frustration building up that I just released on this pathetic blog.
Any advice??????

Ahhhhh....Camping.

2009-06-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

I'll be the first to admit, this Yankee Meadow camping trip far exceeds last year. I think I actually could have stayed an extra day. Wha? Me? The secret? Short hair. (Or no hair). I have decided that the reason I could only camp a few days in the past years was because of my long luscious locks. If my hair gets dirty and greasy than I feel this nagging urge to take a shower and wash my hair. Last year, the bald crushed that feeling. This year? Well, short hair I think obliterated that thought. It was perfect weather and my kids had a fantastic time. I also give credit to my wonderful friend, Christin, who allowed me for the second year in a row to borrow her pop-up trailer. Last year, I had cancer and there was a good excuse. This year, I laid it all out and tried to come up with a good excuse to borrow the trailer but to no avail. I succumbed to my weakness and asked permission for the use of the running water, soft bed, heater at night camping pop-up trailer. It was heavenly. Thanks Christin! I guess I will retire the ol' cancer card.

D'monte, my nephew, who is living with us along with his sister, won the annual Rubber Duck race down the creek. My hats off to you, skilled rubber flotation device.

My neice, Meg, is quite the photographer. She is 11 and took this action shot of Chewy in the wilderness. He looks like some Super Dog out to rescue someone from a wild bear. I feel so much safer knowing that Chewy is with us....

Oh....this picture is just to show my friends and fam in far away distant lands that my hair is getting freakishly long.

Oh yes! And last but not least, I send shout outs to all the dad's! Happy Father's Day!!

blah blah....

2009-05-31T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I know this is nutty, but....since I don't have cancer anymore, my blog has gone to the pot. I know. I was only cool when I had cancer.......However, I would gladly take a boring blog to cancer. Now my blog has just turned into the typical "mommy" blog with pictures of my kids. It was kind of like when you were little and took a family vacation. Afterwards, your parents would make you sit down and watch a slideshow of all the pictures, trying to re-live every exact moment through some snap shots with some occasional "ooooo's" and "ahhhhhh's" even though your thoughts had wandered to which toy you were going to hide so your brother or sister didn't have a fat chance of stealing it any more.

Well.........so what! Since I don't have cancer to make my blog interesting anymore, I will bore you with photo's of my awesomely fantastic family! I love my family and I love being a mom! I have nothing to hide!

The first stop we make down memory lane occured a little over a week ago. Ethan decided to ride the swivel go cart on his own down our steep driveway. When he hit the pavement he decided the best break was his forehead and shoulder. The picture tells the rest.

The next locale is at Josh's first T-Ball game. He was a trooper. I think it took more him out of him to kick the dirt in the outfield than it did up to bat.

Thirdly, we inherited (take a deep breath) a Chihuahua (let it out). Some friends of ours breed their Chihuahua and gave us one of the pups. His name is Chewy. Short for 3 things: 1 - he is a chew toy for Lexi, our other dog. 2 - he chews on everything (the obvious description). 3 - it is short for Chewbaca (spelling?) from Star Wars. I wasn't sure about him. I haven't quite connected with him yet but the kids love him. If any one has any tips on house training a dog, I would love to hear it! We are desparate!

The last stop I will be making was over Memorial weekend. We went up to my brother's house in Panaca and took the dirt bike we have been borrowing from a friend. It is an addicting little machine. The kids love it.

Unfortunately, for Ethan, the sunblock I applied to his face got in is eyes and he puffed up like a marshmellow in a hot camp fire. The last picture is evidence of his woes that details his lovely hamburger scar on his forehead and sightly swollen eyes. Poor Ethan, he just has a hard time. A guy at church even mentioned that we should buy him a helmet after he fell at Father's and Sons camp out this last weekend and smacked his already scarring head. I am seriously taking it into careful consideration.

Nachhhooooo!

2009-05-12T12:47:00.000-07:00

Finally, the pictures to my swine infested flu cruise!

It was a super fun cruise. However, I will admit that having just went to Hawaii on a fabulous vaca with my hub, Mexico was.....well.....er.....you can probably guess. Not to mention, when we got off the ship it reeked of sewage. None-the-less, it was being with the women in my life that I love dearly.

I do need to give a public verbal apology to my niece. I slept on the top bunk in our inside cabin. My sister strategically placed her 10 month old daughter in the crib below me. In the middle of the night I got up to relieve my bladder. Routine. Unfortunately, I forgot where I was and that I was suspended 5 feet above the ground. I came crashing down on top of Tess. Since the rooms are pitch black, I couldn't figure out what had happened until my cousin flipped on the light to her rescue. I snapped the roll-a-way crib in 2 and left a sightly bruise the the poor baby's face. Fortunately, Carnival Cruise line didn't charge us for the damage.

In Mexico we went to La Bufadora which translates to.......blow hole. We were given $10 each for a competition to see who could come up with best souvenir from Mexico. Sona bought some Nacho Libre masks that were highly entertaining for us. Joi got a temp tat on some secured locations. I purchased a nacho libre wrestling box that included 4 wrestlers! A bargain if you aske me for only $5! (Even though I know they probably only paid .25 cents for it from China. the wee wrestling dudes were our entertainment at the dinner table that evening. It was a fun event that I will always remember, for more reasons than one. Looking forward to the next girls trip!

Pork anyone?

2009-04-30T13:03:00.000-07:00

I went on a "girls only" cruise this past weekend. Our only stop was in Ensenada. Mmmmm. Wonderful Ensenada. So....ahem....clean?

We saw 2 trucks of military personnell driving by. We didn't think anything of it and went about our day of blow hole seeing, adobada tacos, and negotiating a cheaper price for some Nacho Libre mask capes. It wasn't until we got back on the boat that evening that we saw on the news there was an outbreak of swine flu in Mexico. Hence, the military trucks (they were trying quarantine certain areas).

I would like to state for the record that I have not been infected. It is only natural for me to act paranoid and foam at the mouth. If you see me....just walk on by.

Girl's trip was loads of fun. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures yet because my sister took her camera and we decided to share the photos. She hasn't downloaded them.

I am still in the process of fighting my insurance to cover my remaining surgeries. Nothing new on that end.

I am getting excited for the summer!

Hawaii

2009-04-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been home now for almost a month and still have not posted anything on my fabulous trip to Hawaii.

Of course, the pictures don't really do any justice.

The first two days we were there, it rained. Non-stop. Our flight was cancelled and we flew in a day late. So, Josh and I were less than excited to see all the rain. We wanted the sunny, warm Hawaii that you see in posters. By day 3, it was gorgeous. We saw TONS of whales. No joke. They were EVERYWHERE. Playing and breeching. When we snorkeled, we would dive down under the water deep enough to hear the whales. It was awesome.

We started on Oahu. THen Maui for 2 days where we snorkeled and beached.

It was off to the Big Island for 2 days, where we biked down the active volcano. This is a picture of us in front of the venting Molokai Crater.

Heading into a lava tube tunnel.

As we were disembarking from the Big Island, our Captain drove past the lava flowing into the ocean. I can't even being to describe how cool this was. The picture doesn't do it justice.

Then, we were in Kaui for 2 days. We rented mopeds and scootered all over half of the island. We saw many waterfalls. But, it was raining so we went to Wal*Mart to buy some ponchos, i.e. garbage bags. Josh was extremely embarrassed by my appearance.

On our way back to Oahu, we drove up the Napali coast. Incredible. Amazing. Breathtaking.

The last day was on Oahu, where we crammed Pearl Harbor, the Swap Meet, and the Polynesian Cultural Center in one day. The Cultural Center was neat. A perfect way to end the perfect vacation.

My only problem, if you can call it a problem, is now I want to live there. Ahhhh......wishful thinking.

(reading back on this, I realize it all sounded a bit like a first grade report. Sorry for the amateurity).

One year ago

2009-03-28T13:04:00.000-07:00

I tried to post this yesterday. But didn't get to it. So read it as if you were reading it on Thursday, March 27, 2009.

One year ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

The last 365 days have been a huge eye opening, life reflecting, given-a-2nd-chance-at-life experience for me.

I cannot even begin to write about the things I have felt, compassion I have witnessed and patience I have learned.

A month ago, I read Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture." If I were to write a book, that would be it. Too bad Mr. Pausch beat me to the punch.
If you get the opportunity to read it, please do. Just a warning. He dies. Don't worry. I am not giving anything away by telling you. He was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. Have a tissue nearby as you read it.

The first time I was to meet with my oncologist, I remember sitting in his waiting area. I picked up a cancer magazine and read a marvelous article on this Randy fellow. I was inspired then to read his words of wisdom. Unfortunately, everything caught up with me and I was't able to get to it until about 1 month ago.

I don't really know what I am trying to say that I haven't already said already. I know that when the news spread it was like the wild fires of California. I know so many prayers were said. So many people fasted and urged their beliefs of higher powers for me to heal.

Last December, I finally got the nerve to ask my doctor what my prognosis was when I was first diagnosed. He tried to persuade me into not wanting to know. It didn't work.
He finally crunched the number and came out with one devastating result. I was given a 6% chance of survival. I was a stage 3. I realize now the power of prayer - especially in numbers.

I know I have expressed my gratitude before, I really don't think I could ever say it enough. Here are my thank you's:

For all the people who donated diapers, wipes, formula and other baby needs.

For all the people that added my names to the prayer rolls at the many temples across the nation/world

For all the letters of empathy and love

For all the people who got down on there knees and prayed for me countless hours

For all the money that was donated and yard sales that helped us with our medical expenses

For the housecleaning that so many people did when I wasn't able to.

For all babysitting from friends, family, and the young women in our area.

For the young men coming to my house when I couldn't make it to church

For all the people that brought meals to me and fed my family

For all the people who visited me and cried with me

For the leaders of my church

For hair the hair on my head, eyelashes and eyebrows

For the remarkable Susan Doughmans Christin Olsons in the world (there are more but too many to mention).

For cancer support groups

For all the pink bracelets and pink objects people bought or wore on my behalf

For scripture

For all the hats, wigs and scarves I was able to wear

For my family

For Doctors that eagerly saved my life

For my dear friend, Karen Esplin

For my beautiful sweet children

And, last but certainly not least, my wonderful, magnificent husband, Josh. I love him more than life. I couldn't have gone through this without him. I know he probably won't read this but I thought I would publicly thank him anyway.

Here is to a wonderful (yes wonderful) last year and to many many more years to come...

All you couponers....

2009-03-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

This is a shout out to all you couponers. Here is some useful information. For Utahn's, if you use the website http://www.grocerysmarts.com/, this applies to you mostly. However, this will still apply to anyone outside of Utah as well.

I have some friends that started a blog on great deals and coupons. It is called http://itshiptoclip.blogspot.com. I have found it extremely helpful. They will tell you what the really good deals are and how to exactly get them. It is like "coupons for dummies" for people like me. They don't just talk about grocery store coupons but also go into detail about some really good promotions and offers through different companies. I am putting a link to it under "Blogs I Stalk" column on the right hand side of this page. Feel free to follow it and post it on your blog.

Also, I will soon be putting some adsense on my blog. If you have a blog or webpage, I suggest you do it too. It is just a great way to earn a couple of extra dollars. You get payed "per click". Hey, who doesn't want a couple of extra dollars in today's economy?

Mission Aborted

2009-03-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

Unfortunately, we have to cancel our big home show for this weekend. However, it is only postponed until the 1st weekend in April, so if you were planning on coming this weekend, just mark your calendars for April 3-4. We will definitely be there then. The location has also changed so I will update with addresses when it gets closer to the date.

Let me clarify a little of my last email. I was actually suppose to hear the wonderful "R" word about 3 months ago. Due to a CAT Scan that I had from a hospital visit, I was told I had 2 new nodules in my lungs. Of course, the doc's all assumed the worse, given my history and the likelihood. They told me to wait it out and see what the next scan would read. WAIT IT OUT??? REALLY? Well, I did. Not with much sleep, but I did. One doctor even said, "I know it's kind of like the 800 pound gorilla in the room..." Ya think? I secretely wanted to high five him in the face. Don't worry I didn't. After much pleading and prayers, the CAT scan I had before I left for Hawaii showed that the nodules were still there but that they hadn't grown. This just means that they are 99% sure that it is not cancer and more probably scar tissue due to radiation or inflammation from all the drugs I have been high on the past year or so. Whew! Finding out this news brings me so much peace and elation I just cannot even begin to tell you.

I have hundreds of Hawaii pictures, but I will spare your eyes and only put the ones I love later.

P.S., I tried to keep the nodule thing a secret but the news leaked out and several people knew. Don't worry. Those of you who knew, you don't have to pretend anymore that you don't think that I know what you know about what I know......: )

greatness!

2009-03-05T16:28:00.000-08:00

I meet with my doctor today and I am officially all good. There were a few areas in my lungs in question last January, but after some tests and scans, it is confirmed that I am well. I cannot tell you how happy I am. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Now if my hair would grow back and I could get reconstruction, I could put this all behind me like a bad dream.
Thank you again for all your support, prayers and love. I truly have felt them present in my life and the lives of my children and husband.

On another note, PaddiCakes is coming to Highland on March 20-21.
Friday open house from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Saturday open house from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m.

We hope to see many of you there. I have included the instructions and to the location.

From I-15
1. Take exit for State Hwy 92 toward Alpine/Highland 0.3 mi

2.Turn left at W 11000 N/W 3500 N/UT-92 (signs for Alpine/Cedar Hills/Highland)3.7 mi

3.Turn left at Catch Basin Rd 0.3 mi

4. Slight right at N Highland Blvd 0.6 mi

5.Turn right at Bull River Rd 0.2 mi

6.Turn left at W Lone Rock Rd/North St 0.2 mi

7. Turn left at N Skyline Dr

Destination will be on the left

The address is 6346 W. Skyline Drive, Highland UT
If you enter this address into GoogleMaps.com it will give you exact directions and map from where you are traveling.

Hope to see you all there.

I am cancer free! Nah Nah!

A bit of advertising...

2009-02-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

Yep. I am going to do it. I am going to abuse my right for a moment as a blogger to advertise my new shipment that just came in last week for our store, PaddiCakes.
I am very excited and I think you will see why. These dresses are absolutely adorable. If you want to see more, click on the link in the right hand column under "my store" titled "PaddiCakes." or just click here: http://www.paddicake.com/
Also, I am posting my tutu's to remind everyone that we still have some available but not for long.
My store is heading to northern Utah the week of March 16-21. We are having an open house in the Alpine area. If you live in SLC or surrounding areas, we would love to see you there. You are not obligated to buy anything, but it would be nice to see everyone! I will post more info on that later! For now? Pictures!

These are not all of them, so make sure you visit our website to see the full collection!

Also, there are some awesome afghans that are made by one of my friends. They are gorgoeus and can be custom made for color and size.

Addendum

2009-02-26T08:43:00.000-08:00

I am adding this addendum to my last post. Karen posted a comment on the 4th lady in the picture that I failed to name. I thought I did mention her but reading back, I realize that I didn't. Ruth, 75 years old, is a 25 year breast cancer survivor. She came to the game on Friday. She politely didn't want to be recognized but I did manage to squeeze her in a picture. Thank you Ruth for coming and being an inspiration.

DSC think pink

2009-02-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was Dixie's "Think Pink" basketball game. I was called along with 2 others (Karen included) to represent. It was really nice.

At the women's game, they gave us an honorary tip off, then gave us flowers and we got leied. At halftime, they wanted us to share our story in a brief 2 minutes.
Later, they invited us to the VIP room for dessert and we got to meet some important people. We then stayed for the Men's game where they honored us again. It was awkward but very neat.

The other young gal in the photos was diagnosed at a very young age also. She has been in remission for 4 years but was diagnosed at age 27. Once again, I stand humbled and in awe of her inspiration and motivation. We all had a great time and it was a pretty laid back evening.

On another note. After seeing these pictures, I have decided that something needs to be done about my hair. Don't get me wrong. I am happy to have hair, but I need some styling tips. I don't know if I should give it a little trim or color it or what? Ack!

Beaten Children

2009-02-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

I have been beating my children. I am sure that is what Child and Family services is going to say when they see this.

Allow me to explain. Josh goes to a friends house and I get a phone call that he wants to come home because he fell off a scooter and somehow hit his eye. I come and console him. In the end, he is proud of his work.

Same day. 6 hours later. Drue. Cleaning the lake off the floor in the bathroom that my kids undoubtedly make everytime they take a shower or bath. I am not really sure. I didn't see. I just hear the crying. She came in screaming and holding her eye. I thought, "Aw. C'mon. It can't be THAT bad."

Okay. It was. Apparently she slipped and clopped it on the bath tub.

My only saving grace is that I have an alibi for Josh's incident. Either I have really clumsy children or ....er...well....I am not really sure how to finish out that one. It looks like I just got angry at them both, lined them up, and popped 'em both in one fail swoop.

The last picture is just of Ethan. Just a sleeping baby on his favorite toy. Crawling Pooh Bear. Thank heavens there are no evident cuts or bruises on him. I couldn't pass it up.

Dishes

2009-01-31T13:17:00.001-08:00

Ethan loves to help me. It's like Pavlov's Theory. Ethan hears me open the dish washer and he comes running (crawling, to be more accurate) He is a fast crawler. Sort of like a cockroach. He empty's my silverware and tosses it on the ground. I have resorted to doing dishes when he is napping.

It has been awhile since I have given a cancer update. I wish I had more information to offer. My surgeries have been postponed until more tests have been completed in March. Apparantly I can't have the other mastectomy unless the port comes out. They don't want to take the port out until they are completely done giving me all the drugs I need.

I have been banned from Herceptin. It reeks havoc on my heart and my oncologist doesn't want to be blamed for congenital heart failure. Geez. What a sissy.

Other than that, my biggest concern at this point is how to do dishes without my baby emptying faster than I can start it.....hmmmm.......

It's official...

2009-01-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

My husband has always been a good gift giver. I have to give him credit. There has been, on occasion, the unusual, what-do-I-do-with-this gift. But, for the most part, he is very attentive to things I say and generally gets excellent gifts for me. I am not one for jewelry or chocolates so for him to get gifts, he really needs to think.

One year, for my birthday, he got me tickets to Mystere. Another year, he reset my ring (I know I said I am not one for jewelry, but my ring needed some help). Another year, he got me a gym membership. Believe it or not, I had been wanting one for a really long time. This year? Well, it tops them all.

You guessed it.....Hawaii!

He came to me about a week ago and told me of his plans for a trip. He has been doing side jobs and knowing me and my frugalness, told me he had secretly saved up enough money to take me on a vacation for my birthday. He was right in hiding the money from me. If I had known, I would have applied it towards bills. He asked me where I wanted to go and I said I would happy with anything! Last night, for my birthday, he surprised me with a 7 night cruise around the islands. Yea for me! I am really excited. The funny thing is that as I was inspecting our itinerary, I noticed the dates for the cruise and the dates for the airline. The numbers were the same but the months were not.

Oh Josh. He nearly had it. He accidently booked our flight for February but our cruise in March. After canceling our flights with only a $26 penalty (thank you travelocity), we decided to try our luck on Priceline. We weren't able to find anything under $500 at all the other sites. Priceline never works for me. Josh set his own price at $300 roundtrip. I advised him to go for $350 because I thought $300 was too cheap. You wouldn't believe it! We got them! They came back almost immediately and accepted our price! So.....I have learned several things this birthday:

1. My husband is the best in the world and none of you can have him!

2. I am going to Hawaii

3. Travelocity was great for not penalizing us for my husband's attempt at flight planning.

4. Priceline DOES work

5. I am going Hawaii (I just thought I would rub that in).

Thanks for all your birthday wishes. It had been a great year for me!

Correction...

2009-01-10T08:34:00.001-08:00

I recieved a phone call last night. It was a tiny voice on the other end, pleading her sorrow. I owe an apology to Luke. It was not him but his 3 year old sister, Natalie! I just assumed..... Really? What 3 year old writes that well?!?! Seriously, Christin, start her app's now for college,

Mr. Clean Magic Eraser

2009-01-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

This blog is my testimony of Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. My hats off to the person who I deem a genius for coming up with a miracle concoction that removes anything and everything. You deserve a Nobel Prize.

I shall now refer you to exhibit A:

I had playgroup at my house yesterday. After all the kids were gone and I was cleaning up the remnants, the phone rang. It was my sister. Just as I picked up the phone located in our bathroom I came across this lovely piece of artwork, compliments to a dapper young fella in my playgroup.

It didn't take me long to guess the culprit. The names said it all...

My sister calmly told me to try the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. After all, I did have an entire garbage sack full of them. (I gave them as white elephants to family for Christmas). I was skeptical. The proof was on top of the counter. A black, permanent sharpie.

I waited for Josh to get home. He casually retrieves the "Magic."

The verdict? Clean. I thank Luke for his Picasso masterpiece; however, I will be sending his mom a bag of Mr. Clean Magic Erasers for Christmas, Birthday, Hanukuh, St. Patricks Day and Valentine's Day. Maybe even the 4th of July. (Thanks Christin!! I love Luke and I love having him in play group.)

"Horse Shampoo" and christmas too!

2008-12-25T14:08:00.000-08:00

Yeah! Hooray for Christmas! I hope you all got what you wished for and more. I know I did. I had my prayers answered to live each day in gratitude that I am healthy (or near) and alive.

Josh got me some Mane 'n' Tail shampoo for christmas. He couldn't remember what it was called so he walked around Wal*Mart asking employees if they knew where the "horse shampoo" was. It wasn't until he called my sis that she told him it was in the pet section and called Mane 'n' Tail. It is suppose to help your hair grow quick and thick. I have had many people testify of its use so I figured I would give it a try. Hey....what's the worse that could happen? My hair fall out and I am bald again? Been there. Done that.

As I am sure many of you know of the snow we had here the past week. For those of you not from here, I posted some pictures. We actually woke up to snow on Christmas day as well but it wasn't as much. Las Vegas got 3" of snow. Crazy weather.

CHECK OUT THE SIZE OF THOSE SNOWFLAKES!!!

Some of the neighborhood kids decided to sledding down the hill on the sidewalk where my house sits. Pretty entertaining...

My kids excuse of a snowman. Really? Celery sticks for arms? (Josh's idea....Dad Josh)

Drue asked for a "marry dress" this year. "Grandma" Santa made it for her.

Josh asked for a bike which he has been riding non stop around our house.

Ethan got wrapping paper! Or at least that is what he was most interested in.

Drue has entirely too many questions for a 6 year old on Christmas. When I was that I age I don't remember asking questions. I accepted Santa as he was/is. Here are some of Drue's questions:

How does Santa get to all of the kids in the whole entire earth mom?
How come we can't see him while he is here putting out our toys?
How is he magic?
Does he REALLY, mom?
(my favorite)
I would love some suggestions if anyone has them....

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

Holiday Cheer...

2008-12-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

I would like to personally thank everyone who supported us at the Dicken's Festival. It was a HUGE success for us and you can most likely plan on seeing us next year! If you didn't make it this year, visit our website. We have all the same adorable stuff on our online store. In fact, we just got our shipment of tutus in. I wish I could say I was crafty like most and handmake over 100 tutus but I am not. Instead, I am really crafty at hours of research online until I can find the inventory at the price I want.

Okay, okay. Enough advertising. But, really. Check out our site. I still would appreciate any feedback....good, bad and ugly.

I began the first treatment of my year long Herceptin therapy a week ago. No real major side effects. Other than they will monitor my heart closely. This is the same drug back in August that gave me heart troubles. I think I will be fine though.

I will begin more surgeries in January. With the next one I will be adding to my collection of "Items/Organs Removed from Paige in the Year 2008" list. However, I guess by then it will be 2009 so I will have to start a new plaque. First up is my "other" half.

I joked with Josh that it has been since July since my last surgery and I am beginning to have surgery withdrawal. Pathetic. I know.

I am super excited for Christmas to come this year. I am every year but more so this year. I guess I just have so much to be thankful for and celebrate.

Here are some pictures I took of my niece and our complete tutu outfits and our teepees we sell. I am trying my hand at some really amateur photography. I had to have some pictures for the store.

A bit of a boring blog but I don't have anything else to say other than all my love and cheer to you all!!

Dickens Festival!

2008-12-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

If you are bored this weekend and looking for something to pass the time....PLEASE.....come to the Dickens Festival. Our booth is there. We are the first ones around the corner when you walk in the door. I have to say, it has been pretty fun. Aside of dressing up and speaking in an English dialect, it has been enjoyable. I am a little too rusty in my dialect. It has been too long since "My Fair Lady" for me. Oh well. I will do my best.
Here are some pictures of our booth:

I missed the bandwagon of saying things I am Thankful for for the Thanksgiving Holiday.

I have been too busy trying to get ready for this Festival. But, I will go ahead and add my thoughts here. I am thankful for:

1. My Husband

2. My kids

3. My family (immediate and extended)

5. My friends, neighbors and all acquaintences

6. To be alive....seriously

7. The doctors that kept me alive

8. My cozy house

9.Jesus Christ

10. Work (having our needs met in this aweful economy)!

These are in no particular order. However, I do rank my children, husband and Christ at the top of my list. The rest is an equal tie.

2 big ones!

2008-11-23T20:44:00.002-08:00

Firstly, the best news is that I finished my radiation on Friday! Yipee!!

I am pretty burnt and blistery from it but atleast it is over.

I start my Herceptin on Dec. 5. That will be a breeze compared to everything else. I am kind of actually looking forward to going in and getting it. I can catch up on a lot of reading with out kids.

Secondly? We took our kids to Disneyland a week ago and it was fantastic. Aside of the smoke and ashes pour on us and sticking to our hair, eyeballs and clothes, it was great! There were no lines and the weather was perrrrfect.

The only bad thing is that all the roads we normally take to drive in on, were closed due to the fires.

Josh was a fraction too short to go on most of the rides. Solution? 1. Go to Wal Mart and buy Spiderman shoes. 2. Buy Dr. Scholls inserts. 3. Cut up diaper and fold. 4. Stick diaper under Dr. Scholl. Viola. Your child is instantly 2 inches taller. It worked! We were able to get him on all the rides labeled 40". It was a really great vacation.

This is Drue when she realized that it was our last night there. Heartbroken.

My mom, sister, sister-in-law, and myself have started a business. I am now going to abuse this wonderful blog for a bit of advertising on our behalf. Our business is called PaddiCakes. We sell a lot of boutique kind of stuff. So far it has just been a lot of fun. We have a website but please be informed that not all of our inventory is up there yet. That is soon to be coming. Check it out anyway. I would love to hear some feedback on the site. I am the one that handles most of that and would like to know if anyone out there can offer up some criticism?!

www.paddicake.com

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. I have sooooo much to be grateful for. I don't even know where to begin.

Halloween....this time for real.

2008-11-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay. So I finally got around to posting my kids adorable homemade costumes this year.

Coming in at first is Drue and her choice of a fairy princess. The wings are homemade (compliments of my sister-in-law, Kristi, who gave me the idea).

I painted her face. I have to say, I thought it looked pretty awesome. The tu-tu is from when she was 3 and the leotard is her gymnastics wear.

Next is Little Josh.

He is sporting a home dyed tiger costume. The stripes are from a giant Sharpie. The tail from died pantyhose as well as the ears. I also painted his face. It is amazing that when they are all dressed up how they actually take on the role.

Last but not least is Ethan. He was modeling two costumes this year. The first is a more modest fit of a lion. My mom made this one 8 years ago for my nephew.

The second is an idea I got from the internet. It is a homemade Chippendale costume. I think I like the second one the most.

Our Halloween was full of fun and excitement and lots and lots of sugar. As I am sure everyone else's was too. Ohyeah. And I permanently died my hair red.

The last picure I just had to add. Drue decided to put Ethan in the hammock chair. Yea. Don't worry. We already lectured her NEVER to do that again.

Award Tag

2008-11-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

I was tagged. I have never been tagged before.
I am suppose to answer the following questions with ONE WORD answers and then pass it on to 7 more people. However, after my last post I am not sure I still have 7 friends to pass it on too. :) I will pass it on to as many bloggers as I know though.

1. Where is your cell phone? dunno
2. Where is your significant other? work
3. Your hair color? bright red (two words....sue me)
4. Your mother? home
5. Your father? Heaven
6. Your favorite thing? kidsandhusband (all one word)
7. Your dream last night? gone
8. Your dream/goal? debt free
9. The room your in? family
10. Your hobby? eating
11. Your fear? child death
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Number 8
13. Where were you last night? working
14. What you're not? crafty
15. One of your wish list items? freedom
16. Where you grew up? everywhere
17. The last thing you did? ate
18. What you are wearing? sweats
19. Your T.V.? sesame street
20. Your pet? dog/fish
21. Your computer? overworked
22. Your mood? tired
23. Missing someone? nope
24. Your car? Do I have to?

25. Something your not weaing? hair
26. Favorite store? D.I.
27. Your summer? doctors
28. Love someone? everyone
29. Your favorite color? I don't discriminate :)
30. Last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? why?

(I cheated a little bit......c'mon, what's life without breaking the rules?)

Okay, so I choose to tag.......

Chauncey

Claire

Karen

Taleesha

Charity

Kim

Christin (sorry, I know you just did one. I won't hold you accountable)

and anyone else that reads my blog (a test of loyalty).

I am taking a risk....

2008-11-04T12:56:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER

This post is not intended to offend. It is merely to express my views and add a couple of cents to this crazy world that we live in. I was journaling today and wrote down my feelings. I am taking a risk by allowing my private thoughts to be posted on the world wide web. If you agree or disagree with my points of view, I will still accept you all the same.

I don’t normally let my opinions get vocally involved in debates of political natures. I was in Speech and Debate when I was in high school and loved it. I actually did fairly well at it. However, in my political past, I have found that it doesn’t matter what my opinion is, it will always cause contention. Whether agreed with or not. I have since discovered that if I choose to keep my friends, I will not debate on political matters. I love my friends and family and no political debate is worth losing their companionship in my life over political garb.

On that note, I will say this:

Today is election day. Today there was something I saw from a person I am acquainted with through Facebook . They stated, “that if you plan on voting yes on 8, you're probably not someone he/she would enjoy on her friends list anyway. Sorry to discriminate…” Wow. This hits it home for me. I will speak up about this. For those of you who don’t know, proposition 8 has to do with not allowing same sex marriages in the state of California. The word “discriminate” was brought up. . If you don’t agree with certain points of view, that makes you bad in someone’s eyes who has different points of view. This is what makes our great nation. I guess the thing that bothers me the most is how people discriminate through stereotypes.
I have my opinions. My opinions entitle me to think and act in ways that I see fit. I go and vote. This does not mean that others like me vote the same. Allow me to give a few examples. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Not all members of my faith vote the same as me. I am a Breast Cancer victim, not all breast cancer victims share the same opinion and vote the same. I am an owner of a 2002 Pontiac Montana mini-van. Does that mean that all registered owners and drivers of the same vehicle all have to vote for the same candidate? Do you see where I am going with this?
So, with all this, I am irritated at the comment of my face book acquaintance. I don’t condemn his/her opinion. I don’t condemn him/her as a person. I am just bothered that this person declares him/herself as a liberal democrat. There are challenges from the democratic party to be more open minded as a human race and to accept change. Yet, with this single comment, the opposite example is shown.
With my facebook "friend," I respect his/her opinion to vote against prop 8. I don't however, condone banning my friends for choosing an alternate vote. I have many many friends with different backgrounds, race, faiths, and political views. I accept them as they are. There in lies is the beauty of this nation. We can do that. That is what our Founding Fathers wanted. So, why is that people want to cause riots and contention for not believing what they believe? Or why do they cut you off completely from friendship for voting a certain way?And so, with the election today, however it turns out, I will choose to still accept and love those that I love. I will embrace the future, whatever it holds, good and bad. I only hope and pray that everyone will do the same.

On a sad note, my nephew Tyler, almost 3 years old, was diagnosed with Leukemia last weekend. I have said all along that I am glad I have been the one to go through all this. It would be hard to watch one of my children suffer. Now, unfortunately, Josh’s brother and wife have that pain to carry. I know they will be strong. We will wait to hear his update and keep him in our prayers as I know everyone did for me. I also know that prayer is a lot of what got me through this. Thank you to everyone. I will continue to love and thank you.

Halloween

2008-10-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just realized how long it has been since I last blogged. I am terrible. Sorry to keep my devoted readers hanging for so long. I always tell myself that this is more for me and doubt that any one ever really reads it except my family. Then I stand corrected when I bump into a perfect stranger at the grocery store and they know everything about me through a blog of a blog. Really, I guess this is just the new era of journaling. Kind of nice accept the whole world can keep tabs on you.

Well, I am halfway through radiation and so far, so good. I have a nice square tan/burn across my chest where I am being treated. I am tired but I think that just comes with the package of "mom."

To follow the spirit of Halloween, I thought I would be like everyone else out there and share pictures of my kids this season. The costumes I am not posting until after Halloween but they are quite spectacular. I went to my cousin Patty's house this weekend and had to improvise costumes for a ward party. Our real costumes weren't complete yet. Josh was a cowboy. I loved this picture of him.

It was Red Ribbon Week last week in Drue's school. One of the days was Crazy Hair Day. I was going for sort of a Sanjaya (American Idol) mohawk. I am not sure if it worked or not. Drue was mad at me when I did her hair like this. She loved the pink until I did the mohawk. She thought I was out to humiliate her. When she got to school and saw people with crazier hair than her, she was okay.

I must say, I am quite proud of our pumpkins this year. I did Ethan's and Drue's. Josh carved his and little Josh's. I got about half ways through mine when Josh pulled out the Dremmel and finished it off. I have decided that using the Dremmel is the only way to go when carving pumpkins. I have always wondered how professional carvers got their's so detailed. Ahhh. Dremmel.

This is Ethan's. Since he spits-up A LOT we decided to have his pumpkin resemble him. I thought it was pretty cute. He doesn't seem so happy about it though.

Drue's (she colored where she wanted me to cut):

Josh (he wanted a "scary" one):

Mine:

Dad Josh:

Josh and I spent a couple of weekends ago in Georgia visiting his family. We went to Stone Mountain where I overwhelmed the kids with pictures in all the pumpkins. It was a fun trip.

On the Allred note, Josh and I have found out that the Allred's are actually related to Mr. Obama. Yep. Apparantly, Barack's mom is a descendant of the Allred lineage. Our Allred lineage. Don't worry, this doesn't effect my vote next week. For all those Barrack supporters, I am sorry but.....blech. My two cents of opinion is this: I don't particularly like McCain either but really, which is the worser of the two? And that is all I will say about that. I think I have been listening to too much talk radio lately.

Random...

2008-10-09T08:22:00.001-07:00

I wish I had more exciting news to pass along.

Life is fantastic!

Someone anonymously gave Josh and I a weekend stay out in Zion. To them, I tip my hat. It was a wonderful weekend. We stayed at a brand new lodge. The Cable Mountain Lodge. I could have stayed there a week. It was gorgeous! We ate at the Bit 'n' Spur. A classic favorite. I used to work right across the street from the Bit (Switchback Grille) when I was in high school. It was a fun job and I made a few good bucks in my teenage years. I was the only underage server. Beats working at McD's.

The next morning we hiked the Narrows. 4 of my tween into teen years were spent living in Virgin so I have hiked Angel's Landing many many times. It is my favorite hike. But, no matter how many times I go to Zion, it never ceases to amaze me. I have always loved it more than the Grand Canyon. The world truly doesn't understand the outstanding beauty we have right at our back door. It makes me ashamed that I live so close and don't take advantage of it more often.

Thank you thank you. To the anonymous person(s) that put that together for us. We loved it!

I have started radiation. It is pretty easy. I am there only about 15 minutes and I have to lay still for about 2 minutes. I go early in the morning so I am back before my kids are off to school. Then I have the rest of my day clear. My skin is just starting to turn red and be a little sensitive. Pretty easy in comparison.

I have discovered chemo has killed my nearly perfect track record of teeth. I have only had one teeny tiny cavity my entire life. I didn't even have to have any anesthetics when they fixed it. The Dr.'s and experts all told me that it probably wouldn't stay perfect because of the chemo. Ha! I shook my head and told them they don't know my teeth. They have never let me down before. Well, I went to the dentist a couple of weeks ago and discovered I had 6 cavities!!! SIX! I wanted to cry. I feel like I should just tell the dentist (who happens to be Josh's dad) to yank them all out and start over. I was/am devastated. I fly out to Georgia in a week and he will fix them for me. I was telling Josh last night that I hate dentists. I don't hate Josh's dad, I just hate going to the dentist. I think I actually fear the dentist more than I do cancer. Pathetic. I know. I had so much work done on my mouth when I was teen (braces, imbedded wisdom teeth, uncut extracted permanent teeth, implants) that it was enough to scar me for life. I may or may not wet myself on the dental chair in fear.

Enough of that.

I wish I had more exciting info to pass along. I guess that is why I haven't posted in awhile. Not much of a dog and pony show going here.

At the risk of sounding redundant, thank you all again for everything you do!

Last Chemo!

2008-09-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

Yeah! It is officially over.....at least the chemo part. And the better news? The doctor says I am in "clinical remission." Allow me to explain. Clinical remission basically means that there is no evidence of any tumor. I will be in full remission when they do a PET Scan and confirm that there are no more little cancer cells roaming around in my body. Irregardless......I am excited!

The last day of chemo was an eventful one. My mom, sister and husband (Josh, in case you forgot, since it seems like I mention him so little. Don't worry, I am still married), all kept me company. Karen, also in remission, came and partied with me. It was a meaningful day. She gave me this Willow Tree statue that means courage. Karen gave me a lot of courage.

I also met a newby. Her name is Patty and she was in for her first time. My heart goes out to her. Also young and a mom of 5. A wonderful person stricken by hard times. I will keep her in my prayers.

My mom and Sona got their blood drawn for the BRCA test while there. My sis's daughter, Ally, decided she needed a bandaid to feel included.

My sister, her friend MJ, and I decided to play rock band after my treatment. To get into the spirit, Sona shaved my head into a mohawk. I still haven't gotten around to shaving it. I decided I will shave it one more time to be sure everything grows in thick and even.

I didn't last too long in the game. I think I played the drums 3 times, guitar twice and then propped the microphone on my legs while I attempted to sing without falling asleep. Chemo caught up with me and I crashed. Sona and MJ rocked 'til the early hours of....well, at least midnight, but that is late for some moms.

The other minor mishap that happened last Thursday is Drue broke her nose. Ahhhh. Yes. I told her I was sorry for her pain but she got no sympathy for how it happened. She jumped over the back of the couch like I have told her several times NOT to and didn't catch herself. The coffee table was there to break her fall from the nice padded thick carpet. The doc said I need to take her back in tomorrow and they will decide if they need to reset it or not. I keep hoping, in the back of my wishes, that it is not really broken. I don't know. You be the judge.

Life is wonderful and our family is doing well. It looks like all your prayers, fasting and good thoughts have paid off. I owe you all a big one!

Eyebrows......they're overrated.

2008-09-10T15:51:00.000-07:00

Well, I have decided that, much like hair, eyebrows are overrated. You all think you are something special for having them and always feel the need to show off in front of me with your neatly trimmed brows and long dark eyelashes. Grrrr. Newsflash! I can draw mine in any way I desire. Yep. I guess you all could too but given the choice, I don't think you would. Nope. I think you would pansy out.

The even better part is that I can draw them on in ways that reflect my mood for the day. Please, humor me in the following pictures to get a full understanding of what I mean.

This is the start picture. There is nothing unusual here. However, I am not perfect in drawing in everyday eyebrows so, often times, they are lopsided. Don't judge me.

This is me without any eyebrows.....well, I guess there are a little bit but nothing worth getting excited over.

This is the "don't mess with me" look. I use this one on my kids alot.

This one I call, "Surprise!"

ok. I

Then there is the "I haven't plucked my brows in over a century" look.

To the left is the addition of the "I haven't plucked my brows in over a century" look. This one I just forgot to take care of the unibrow.

Lastly, is the Countess look. I was going towards angry, but I just have to reiterate my lack of artistic skills here. If there ever is such a major as "Eyebrow Artistry for Dummies" I will be the first one enrolled.

My last chemo is this Friday. Yay me!

I will then start radiation in approximately 3 weeks.....I think.

The last pictures are just of me and my boy. He was wondering what I was up to with all my different eyebrows. I decided to include him in the fun.

Take note of his long dark lashes......show off!

Thanks for humoring me in my ridiculous moments!

Glaciers, whales, and fish...

2008-09-05T08:56:00.000-07:00

Wow. Alaska was amazing. I don't know how else to describe it. It was just freakin' amazing! I loved it! We got see glaciers and go whale watching. We saw some Beluga whales and Humpback. It was so amazing! Perhaps my favorite part was the deep sea fishing. Humor me for a moment as a tell the story of the time that I was the only gal on the boat and the one that caught the biggest fish. Yep. That's right. Sadly, I couldn't keep it. We had to stay within the bay area because of the storm rolling in. There were reports of 15 to 20 foot swells out on the open see and our captain decided it wouldn't be wise to tread dangerous waters. Which turned out to be fine by me when I listened to the other boats on the radio saying they were being tossed to and fro. We still had our own ride on that little vessel of a boat. It was almost like Thunder Mountain at Disneyland.

Because we had to stay in the bay we were only allowed to keep certain fish under regulations. The first thing swimmer by Josh's little bro was a Rock fish. Okay. Not so bad. The second, a 42 pound Halibut. Oh yeah. Our captain said that was really good considering the average Halibut caught within the bay was only 17 pounds. We were pretty excited about that. We got to bring home half of it. Josh's family took the other half.

The next items caught were Seaworld attractions. Josh caught a Mantaray (Alaskans call them "skates?") and a 13 legged starfish. You can go ahead and tease Josh over his trophies.

Then, it was my turn. I caught the mother load. I reeled in, by myself and my puny little arms, a Lingcod weighing in at approximately 50 pounds. It was a beautiful moment for me. If we had only been about 3 miles to the south, I would have that fish in my freezer right now.

Jason also caught a Lingcod of remarkable size but had to toss him into the ocean as well.

Poor Billy, another of Josh's brothers, didn't catch anything. The only one. He did however keep us entertained by wearing my wig.

I truly think that this Alaska trip was one of the funnest trips I have been on. I am a warm, tropical vacationer but this was too much fun to deny.

On the Prince William Sound Cruise, there were many many Japanese people. Jason, Josh's bro, served his mission in Japan and speaks Japanese very fluently. He explained to me that Japanese people LOVE american babies. They think they are very beautiful babies. It was apparant to me that this was, indeed, a fact. Ethan was loved by every Japanese member on that boat and was passed from one foreigner to the next. Good thing he is used to that. He was a great little guy and a trooper for being so good the entire time in Alaska.

After arriving at the airport, Jason threw my other wig on. We decided he looked like a bum. It was good times had by all.

I am now sitting here getting my chemo treatment. Only one left to go after this. I am very excited.

The doctor said my blood/cancer markers looked "normal." I am guessing that is a good thing. Sometimes I feel stupid asking him all sorts of questions so I will just take "normal" as good.

Sorry this one is so long. I just had to share my joyful triumph of fishing success .

Quickie!

2008-08-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

I wish I had new news to give to you dear readers and supporters but fortunately for me, I have been doing well. I don't have my next treatment until September 5 in which I will undergo two treatments in a row again. Hopefully the last! Yeah! Yeah me! Yeah chemo! Yeah cancer....I shake my fist at that one. Ggrrrrrrr...

I will start radiation I estimated somewhere around the beginning of October. I will know more later on that one.

On kind of a somber note, my heart goes out to those families of the 10 victims of the plane crash. I got online the other day and noticed that one of the victims was the little sister of a really good childhood friend of mine. Her name was Mandi Johnson. I will always remember her as a really bubbly and compassionate five year old girl. I am sure she carried a lot of those beautiful attributes into her young adult life. My heart goes out to the Johnson's and all the other families mourning their losses.

And, as a final note, this is just a picture I found of my and my siblings. From left to right:Sona, Adam, Aaron, and me in the front.

Shannon hadn't entered our life yet so she is not pictured. For those of you who don't know, Shannon is my adopted sister. Oh! Here is a picture taken a few years back of Shannon, Sona and myself:

I am off to a fabulous vacation in Alaska! I am escaping this heat to go deep sea fishing, and whale watching. It will be a wonderful break!
Thank you all!

Prayers from strangers

2008-08-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

I had my 2nd treatment in a row last Friday, August 15. This was the second half of my treatment from last week. It was also Karen Esplin’s last treatment. We had a party. She brought homemade cinnamon rolls and I brought a cheese roll and chips with salsa. It was fun party. I was done with my treatment pretty quick but stuck around for a while to visit. It was a great experience.
When we decided to leave, my mom, sister and I wanted to go grab a bite to eat, despite my nausea and lack of appetite. We picked the nearest place of convenience which happened to be ARBY’s. America’s Roast Beef, Yes Sir! After ordering our selections, my mom and I searched for a table. Along the way, I passed a young gentleman who smiled a subdued sort of empathetic smile. I am kind of used to this, now. By this point, I have no eyebrows, no eyelashes and I wear a head wrap to conceal my bald head. It still doesn’t cover up the fact that I am sick. I smiled back and proceeded past him.
A few moments later, as we were waiting for our food, this same man walked up to my mom and me and said, “Would it be all right if I played with you?”
Wha?! I was thinking this guy was a registered pedafile or perv. What stranger says that to 2 women.
Thinking I had mistakenly heard him, I said, “I’m sorry?”
“Would it be alright if I prayed for you?” He repeated.
Okay, now I felt like an idiot. Oops.
“Sure.” I replied.
So there we were, in the middle of a fast food restaurant, heads humbled and eyes closed, offering a prayer to God. It was a beautiful prayer. I don’t know what faith this young man was but he truly was inspired to comfort me that day. He prayed for my health, for the doctors and for those around me to be comforted. It was amazing. When he was done, we all said our quiet “amens.” He gently patted me on the shoulder to assure me that everything would be okay. I graciously said, “Thank you,” and he went to sit and enjoy his meal, alone.
My sister approached during the middle of the prayer and didn’t want to interrupt so she carefully placed our food down and backed away.
When we opened our eyes we saw that our food had miraculously come but my sister had disappeared. After the man left, all I could was point at the tray and look inquisitively at my mom to see if she had an answer to this mysteriously appearing food. Then I saw my sister over the booth and she just gave me a simple nod to confirm my suspicions. If we had been praying for roast beef sandwiches at the moment, our prayers would have been answered faster than we could say amen.
It was a great day that day and I will never forget the perfect stranger who was inspired to offer a simple prayer on behalf of my health. To him I will always say thank you. And not just to him but I know of all the many hundreds of people both strangers and not, who have offered multiple prayers on my behalf. Thank you.

my family...

2008-08-11T09:10:00.001-07:00

Well, I feel a little bit guilty reading back on all these blogs. I have done nothing but talk about myself. I read other people's blogs and see how the entire family is doing but when I return to mine, I realize how selfish it sounds. I will first update on the cancer and then on the family.

They had to switch up my treatments because of the severe neuropathy effects I was having. They cut my treatments in half and do them one week right after another to hopefully minimize those side effects. I had my first last Friday. So far, so good. I still get nauseated but all is well. After this Friday's treatment I will have a 2 weeks break and do the same thing over again. I also had my blood taken for my cancer marker and am waiting for the results on that. Hopefully it will tell me I am in remission.

Unfortunately, my insurance will not pay for the BRCA test so I won't ever really have a conclusion as to what sparked this whole thing. It does worry me for Drue though. If I carry the gene there is a good chance both her and my sister do as well. It is an ongoing debate with Josh and I as to whether or not we should just pay for it or not. Time will tell.

As for the family? We are all doing really well. It rained here a couple of days ago and my kids decided to dance in the rain. It was truly a memory I had to capture and did. They are such joyful little spirits. I have been so blessed.

Ethan is now 4 months, sleeping through the night and weighs almost 14 pounds. Much bigger than any of my other kids ever were. We guessed the formula. Josh teases me now and says, "See, doesn't that make you feel bad that you were starving our other children with your breastmilk?"

Drue starts 1st grade tomorrow. I think I am more sad about that than I was Kindergarten. Now she will be gone a full day. I don't know what I am going to do with myself. She is so smart it scares me

Josh has been super busy at work. He has building pools with my brother The pool side of Cutting Edge Landscape has really taken off. They did a home in the Parade last year and are already planning on a couple for this year as well.

Sorry, this blog isn't as exciting as the others but I still do appreciate all your thoughts and prayers. They are always helpful and loved!

paige

2008-08-01T08:44:00.000-07:00

Ethan.
Little Josh decided to stick his nerf sticks to his forehead. I don't think I need to say anything further. Good thing he is a mild baby.

I have to say, this blogging thing is kind of fun. Mostly because of all the comments I read from all of you and then I can click on your blog and read about you. I am reading about people I haven't heard from since high school and it is truly wonderful to see how all of you are doing! Amazing. The bad side is that I see how cute and organized your blogs are compared to mine. So for that I apologize on behalf of the plainness of my blog. Some day I will figure out how to make mine cute too. I guess it is how I am in life too. Pretty plain. I actually had to have my mom and sister-in-law come over and decorate my house because I had no pictures or wall hangings. I have lived here since it was built over 4 years ago! Pretty sad.

We had Drue's birthday party last week. Her b-day isn't until Aug. 19 but I combined it with her cousin. It was a pool party with all her friends and she had so much fun.

Things are well. "Par for the course," has been my motto during all my treatments. My husband, as always, is wonderfully supportive.

I was suppose to have my 7th chemo treatment today. The doctor's office called yesterday and told me they were going to postpone it for one week. Phew! I got off the hook. I had an echocardiogram which revealed that my "ejection reception" in my heart is down from 70% to 55%. For those of you who don't know what this means, join my club. I had no idea. They had to explain it to me. My heart was beating normally but it means that the force in which it expels the blood from the heart has dropped. This explains why I am lightheaded or short winded all the time. I have also been having stabbing pains in my heart. I didn't ask but I suspect that this could also be the explanation. They said it is a reaction from the Taxol drug they were giving me. They are going to rethink my drug dosage and hold me off another week. The other severe reaction was my feet. They were plumping up like a Ballpark Frank and it felt like I had razor sharp rocks underneath my toes and balls of my feet. I don't know how else to explain the pain but it was pretty excruciating. Josh toted me around for a few days. It was too painful to walk. So, to say the least, I am actually happy to have another week free of chemo. I am almost back up to my regular walking speed.

The last thing that happened was pretty minor. One of the three incisions from my hysterectomy popped open. I was out to eat with my husband, looked down and noticed blood oozing through my clothes. I wasn't extremely alarmed but went to the ER anyway. They bandaged me up and told me to keep a close eye on it. I obeyed but the incision healed up nicely, managing to avoid any more trips to the ER.

I took my kids to Hogle Zoo this last weekend and then to Cabela's. My opinion? Just take your kids to Cabela's. They have everything the zoo has and it's free. I think my kids enjoyed it there more. Plus, they got to shoot the guns. I have to say, I made my husband proud. I shot a perfect 20 out of 20. Watch out Bambi! Here I come!

I had a block of cheese out on the counter and came back into see my son taking chunks of bites out of the block. I decided to take pictures as evidence. Apparantely, Josh's mom has a similar picture of him doing the same thing at this age. My boy loves his cheese.

As always, I feel your prayers and love. This whole experience has made my testimony and love for the church grow so strong and I know I couldn't have done it without any of you!

Paige

high on chemo

2008-07-18T09:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am sitting here getting my next treatment and I am pretty drugged. If there any typos I blame the drugs. It is extremely difficult for me to focus right now, let alone type.
My operation went well.
I had my hysterectomy on Monday, July 14. I am officially wiped clean. When I went to check in for my surgery they asked me, “Now you do understand that this will make you sterile?” I turned to my husband with a concerned look on my face and said, “Honey, we have to stop trying for more kids. Apparantly I won’t be able to have any more.” The lady in the next booth chuckled. She got my humor.
The surgery went well. I don’t remember much. I was starving before I went in and I asked my doctor if I would be able to eat after the surgery. He gently smiled and said, “Well, let’s see how you are feeling.”
I was told I couldn’t eat anything but clear liquids as of Sunday by noon. Then, my surgery Wasn’t until 6 p.m. the following day. I was actually scheduled earlier but the operating room they had me scheduled for was backed up. I didn’t come out of surgery until 9 o’clock that night.
Usually when I wake up from surgery they hold me in the post-op room to watch my vitals. I can always remember being wide awake, staring at the clock just hoping that it would speed up so I could be reunited with my husband. This time, I didn’t wake up at all. The next thing I remember after my surgery was my husband saying, “I am going to go home now.” I begged him. “Why?” Then I looked at the clock and realized what time it was. Where had all the time gone? I slept. Shortly after Josh left Dr. Lunt came in. I didn’t realize that I was fighting something. I kept batting at things around me and wrestling with piles of blankets. Apparently they mummified me. They wrapped me in blankets from head to toe. I had blankets around my bald head and tucked in every nook and cranny I didn’t even know I had. When the doctor came in he chuckled and helped me untangle out of the mass of blankets. I can only imagine what I looked like. He exchanged a few words with me, none of which I can remember and went on his way.
The next thing I remember was waking up to the light knock of doctor Lunt coming back in to check on me. He is such a great doctor. On Sunday he called me twice to see if I was doing okay and if I
if I had any questions before the operation. He called me again Monday morning for the same reason.
When he entered my hospital room he did his routine check up. He told me the surgery went well. I think he probably just repeated himself from the night before but it was good to hear since I don’t recollect any of it.
The pain in my abdominals was excruciating. It felt like I had 2 babies. One vaginally and one caesarean. My gut and my party platter hurt. I had a hysterectomy with a salpingo-oopherectomy. Try saying that 3 times fast. Basically they took everything. My uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries. It brings a new meaning to the word sterile. They did it laproscopic assisted, meaning: They pumped me up like a balloon, made 3 little incisions in my stomach, clipped the uterus and removed it vaginally and took the rest out at the same time. Fun times.
I stayed an extra day and went home the following morning.
I kept the leg warmers on my legs as instructed. Dr. Lunt said that Cancer plus Surgery equals Blood Clot and the last thing we needed was a Pulmonary Embelism. I agreed and continued letting the maching massage my legs every minute or so.
My kids were sent out to different people in my ward so I was able to get some rest that day. But, then Josh called and said he would be a little later. I decided it was getting late so I would just go pick up the kids myself. I picked them up and brought them home. I am not suppose to lift anything over 5 pounds. Of course, I have to cheat. My baby is now 13 pounds and is starting to get too heavy for Drue to constantly lift him.
Josh's sister just got off her mission and his family is all down here. I am so proud of her. She is a great example to me. She went to Salt Lake City. Go ahead. Laugh. We did. She did great though and I really hope she moves back in with us.
I don't have any pictures this time. Just a whole lot of words. I don't have any pics on my laptop. They are all at home on my other computer.
I really love reading all your comments. I have had friends that I haven't seen in years and years and it is great reading your blogs and hearing your comments. I love you all. Mwah!

My bald family

2008-07-13T09:40:00.000-07:00

This will be short. I figured I would do one more entry before my bodily clean out tomorrow. They told me I can't eat anything after noon today. Stink. My surgery isn't even until 2:30 in the afternoon tomorrow. There is nothing like actually having your appetite back and then being told you can't eat. I told Josh he is on his own with the kids and Sunday dinner. I can't cook and then be expected not to eat it. I might be tempted too much.
My mom took our family pictures a couple of weeks ago. I have been meaning to post them but just keet forgetting. Here they are.

Drue was ticked off in this one. We just ate dinner and she wanted to eat pancakes at my brother's house. We told her no. It looks like she is giving us the finger.

Vicodin...

2008-07-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ethan is celebrating the 4th in his own style. He is in my brother's golf bag cooler and completely satisfied. Notice the product placement for Nike. I should make them pay me for this one.

Okay, I realize that it has been a while since I lasted posted. I haven't really had any new news to pass along, other than the last round of chemo was pretty cruddy. I don't recommend it. Josh jokes that I am going to get addicted and end up at the stairs of the hospital, begging for my next chemo fix. Ahhhhh. Yes Josh. That's exactly it.

This last round was pretty tough. I didn't get as nauseated but the bone aching was, by far, worse than ever. I have been avoiding the pain killers until then (I can't take them and try to be a mom, they make me too groggy), but I couldn't manage this time. I was poppin' Vicodin like it was going out of style. I even tried to play Tiger Woods golf on Vicodin. I think Josh was laughing the entire time. My fairway accuracy was at a pathetic 8%.

While some of you might think poorly of us playing video games, I say hogwash. Josh and I consider it quality time together where we laugh, joke and have a good time. It beats watching television. Hey, at least it is not a game of blowing eachother's brains out. I think everyone oughtta try it. The golf. Not blowing brains out.

My 4th of July was spent at home all day on Vicodin with my mom doing my laundry. I love her. It was such a huge help for me to have her do that. Then, like she said, we went to the park and enjoyed the fireworks. Me? Fireworks on Vicodin.

I am happy to announce that I have successfully come off the drug for the time being. We will see how next round goes.

The other side effect of this new chemo dose the doc mentioned was that I may get a numbness in my fingers. Well, the numbness hit but it migrated to my feet. Weird eh? It feels like I have been sitting cross legged for a couple of hours and my feet just won't quite regain conciousness.

I am feeling great now and looking forward to my 4th surgery this coming Monday where I lose another pound when they remove my uterus and all other reproducing female organs. This might disgust some of you so if you are weak of stomach, stop reading. Josh has joked that we should take all my thus removed parts and take them to a taxadermist to mount on our bedroom wall, commemorating all I have been through. The shrine would so far include lymph nodes, a right...ahem....breast, and as of Monday, some ovaries and a uterus.

Don't worry. I won't do it. But we do laugh about it quite a bit.

Thanks for all your support!

"Cancer Mom"

2008-07-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

I guess since Paige doesn't like me to be a "stage mom" I will have to replace it with being a "cancer mom"!

Can I just start by saying that I think I have a very amazing daughter?! She truly never ceases to amaze me with the strength she just keeps pulling out of her hat.....or scarf....or wig....or whatever the case may be. This last chemo has been pretty tough on her. She was connected to the machine with the fluids for 7 hours! UGH! Then as if to mock her, the chemo junk has really made her sick this time. More than usual. Maybe because the stuff they are now giving her is so strong! Not to mention she is still being a wife and mother after having a baby and a Mastectomy.....GOOD GRIEF! Enough already! But inspite of it all, she just keeps on keepin' on! Thank goodness, only three more of these chemo's!

We went to the 4th of July fireworks at the park last night and all really enjoyed watching the many, many,many, unusual (I'm trying to be diplomatic) people and choices of ridiculous clothing they were wearing (or NOT wearing)! And a good time was had by all! Paige and Josh and the kids were all there, as well as Adam, Joi and the family. Little Ethen was totally mezmerized with the fireworks, I couldn't believe he didn't even cry. Drue and little Josh were having a blast with the "glow in the dark" necklaces Josh had bought for everyone. Paige was in alot of pain because of the shot they give her after chemo that causes her bones to hurt intensly!
But she finally took a pain pill and enjoyed the fireworks like none of the rest of us possibly could.

On top of everything else Paige and Josh have had to do, little Josh had his tonsils out on tuesday morning. He has had his ups and downs but all in all has done very well.

Drue is still taking really good care of the baby and will make a really good mommy some day....like her mommy!

I am really proud of Paige and Josh and all they are to each other and to us as a family! They are two of the strongest people I know and I love them very much!

Thank you everyone for your love and your prayers!
Mary Lee

Things that make me smile!

2008-06-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

My friend that I meet my first day of Chemo, Karen, did a posting on her blog titled, "Things that cheer me during Chemo #4." I loved it so much that I took her idea (sorry Karen) and decided to do my own.

#1 My husband....of course. The last couple of nights we have had our own PGA tournament on PS2. Too much fun! And, I actually won him the other night.

#2 My kids:

This is Drue trying to get the baby to smile for the picture. She just loves Ethan so much I have a hard time containing her love. It's a good thing Ethan is a mild baby.

The picture on the right is pretty self-explanatory. Drue was playing house. I am not sure who the mom is but I know that Ethan in the TOY stroller was part of the role playing. He looks pretty content. And Josh? Well, I am not sure what to think about Josh. He would make a cute girl?

Ethan's foot. I could just chew on it all day long. How can you resist such toes.

#3 My family. Immediate and extended. They are such a support to me and keep me going. Thank you.

#4 All of you and your comments. They all make me smile.

The radiologist feels like the margins are safe enough for radiation so I don't have to have another surgery. That is good, eh?

I have enjoyed having these last few weeks off from Chemo. The last couple of days food started sounding good to me again. I have been hoarding like there is no tomorrow. I am stashing up my fat supplies for when I undergo food depletion again.

I have seen 3 shows in the last week. The first was Les Miserables at Tuacahn. Excellent. A few things I didn't like but I think that is just because I have resentment for not being a part of the shows this year. Stupid cancer!

The second was Cabaret put on by The Space Between Theatre Company. They performed it out in Kayenta. Not bad for such a little company. My favorites were the moments played by Richard Hill and Chris Hyatt. It made the show.

The last show I took my daughter to last night. It was High School Musical at SGMT. I have to admit....it was good. I have never seen the movie or any renditioned performance so I had nothing to judge it against. I thought the kids did a great job. Drue developed a little crush on the male lead, Troy. She also has never seen it. By the end she was dancing, clapping and flirting with "Troy." Oh boy. I think I may have to go get her the movie now.

Note: I am not getting paid for any of these reviews.

It just brings me to my #6 item that makes me smile. I love theatre. Good or bad. I love it. I love to critique it. More importantly, I love to be a part of it.

This last picture I stole off of Karen's blog.

It was during our 3rd treatment. Unfortunately the picture was taken right after they started giving me the drug that makes me extremely nauseous. Take note of the vomit bowl on my lap. I thought it added a nice touch. Nonetheless, I love the picture and I love Karen. I couldn't make it through chemo without her. I am sorry you have to go through this Karen but I think God is doing it for me. I know. I am selfish.

Thank you everyone!

Post-op

2008-06-17T15:48:00.000-07:00

I found this photo in my picture files. It is my mom and dad's wedding photo at the Salt Lake Temple. I thought it was a nice thing to add.
I was telling someone the other day how I always feel a little weird just talking about myself on this blog. So, I like to add pictures just to take the focus away a little bit. That is why there are random photos on here. If I had pictures to relate to cancer more I would post them but I haven't yet figured out how to take a snapshot of the desctructive little cells.

It has now been a little over a week since my operation and I think I am recovering pretty well. I am sore and have some limited use of my arm but for the most part, I feel great.

This last weekend was the Showell Family Reunion. It was a lot of fun and great to see family members. My cousin, Troy Williamson is as bald as they come so we are quite the match. I actually wore a wig this weekend for a little bit and my entire family said that is almost seems unnatural for me to have hair now. Hmmm.... Interesting.

This is Josh on Mother's Day. Just having fun in a couple inches of water. Ahhhh....to be a kid again.

I got the result back from pathology for my my mastectomy. The tumor was still larger than anticipated. About 4.2 centimeters. My surgeous said she is fairly confident about her margins but there was one area in question. My oncologist also questions it. He said he is not sure we can do radiation. There was some ductal carcinoma that they found so I have to meet with a radiologist doc and he will decide if I can have radiation with those close margins. If not, then I will have to undergo the knife again to clean out more tissue.

I still have 4 more rounds of chemo that are 2 weeks apart. I will start those back up a week from Friday. Then I get this fun drug called Herceptin. It is to get my HER/2 Neu's under control. I will have that for about 1 year.

My oncologist said today that my cancer gives him the "heeby jeebies." I thought that was kind of funny.

And....another cute picture of the baby and my supportive bald husband.

Thank you for all your love. I know. I start to sound repetitive but I don't think I could ever say it enough. Thank you! Thank you!

eh...?

2008-06-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

This is the quilt that my family made. Everyone contributed a square to represent their family then my mother-in-law sewed the whole thing together. I thought it was pretty touching. I love it. I wrap up with it every day/night.

Okay. So I am not really sure how to start this one off. I had a "simple mastectomy" on Monday morning. Today is Wednesday and while I would like to say I feel wonderful, it wouldn't be exactly true. I do feel great, all things considered. I truly anticipate the day when I will be all whole again. No aches and pains. No nausea or fatigue. Ahhhhhh, let me relish in those thoughts for a moment.

The surgery went well. My doctor said she thinks she got all the tissue but we will know more when the results get back from pathology. In the meantime, I am back to accessorizing my wardrobe with a lovely drain tube that hangs from under my arm. I think I am going to start a new fashion statement. In my opinion, everyone should try one of these tubes out!

I am a little tender and sore from the surgery. I can't really lift a bunch so I have a lot of help with my baby and the other kids.

Today, I am home a lone. My sister-in-law took my children so I could rest. I figured now would be a good time to catch up on this blog, do some journaling and read up some more on cancer. I have an exciting day ahead of me.

I am not sure when I start chemo again. I meet with my doctor in a little over a week. I guess he will decide when.

This is my daughter in her tap dance costume. I thought she looked adorable as a little flapper girl. She was even more adorable in the dance recital.
She is handling everything well. Sometimes, when she sees me having a tough day, she gets a little emotional. She gave me her "blankie" that she has had since she was a baby. She told me to sleep with it so it would help me get better. I haven't gone a night without it yet. She is so sweet.

I still appreciate all you prayers and words of encouragement.

I love you all!

Paige

Good news!

2008-06-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

Alright! I am so excited. Firstly, I don't have to have a treatment this Friday so I will actually get to enjoy my time camping with the entire family. "Why?" You ask? Well, I went to the doc yesterday and he said my PET Scan looked really really good. He said instead of waiting after the 8th chemo treatment to have surgery, he just wanted to get the little bugger out immediately. Yeah! I get to have my breast whacked off. I know. I never thought I would be excited to hear myself say that. In addition to this fantastic news, he said I would probably only need 4 more treatments instead of the originally intended 12! He said, and these are his exact words, "This has been kick butt chemo." I would have to agree.

So, on Monday I go in for my first mastectomy. I will have the other one removed when I am all done with chemo and radiation and all cancer free! Celebrate with me! I am!

In other news, we blessed Ethan this weekend. Josh's family came to visit and it was wonderful having them here. I have pictures of the blessing but Josh took the camera to work with him today so I won't be able to post the pictures until later.

My family made a beautiful quilt for me. It is absolutely gorgeous and I cried when I saw it. Again, I will have to post a picture of that one later too. I just didn't want to wait to share the good news!

This picture is of all my in-laws in Georgia. They decided that instead of shaving there heads they would strike a pose with bald caps for me to show there support. I especially love the painted on eyebrows!

Enjoy. I will post more later!

Paige

Transfusion

2008-05-28T17:41:00.001-07:00

Okay, so to answer a question from my cousin and so many people like her, why haven't they removed the tumor already?

I may not be able to answer it clearly, but it was a question I had to. When they explained it, it made sense, but when I try to explain it....not much sense is going on there. And, with that, here you go:

They haven't removed the tumor yet because they were trying to contain the cancer from spreading further. Also, the size of the tumor presented somewhat of a problem with removal so they were trying to shrink it first, which it has. Furthermore (this is how my doc put it), cancer is like a dandelion where when you blow on it the little white seedlings spread everywhere all of your grass and place little seedlets. Having the chemo first will kill off all of those little seedlets and prevent them from sprouting new dandelions. That is how he put it. I think he might have that metaphor patent pending so nobody better try and reuse it. You might have to pay him a royalty. Kind of like how 7-eleven owned the patent for the word "slushy." No joke. I learned that a long time ago.

I know....useless information.

Anyway, I go for another PET Scan tomorrow to determine when they want to perform the surgery. If things look good then they might not have to wait for the 8th treatment of chemo to do the surgery. Oh, I will still have to have many, many more treatments but at least they can get "Up Chuck" as my mom named it, out!

I spent the night in the hospital last night. My red blood cell count was low last week so they told me to go get some blood drawn on Memorial Day so they could verify the need for a transfusion. My blood measured just above the need for a transfusion so they decided to give me a shot instead that would help boost the count. I started to have chest (heart) pain so I called the Dr.'s office to see what I should do. They instructed me to go to the ER to have my blood checked again and to make sure I didn't have a blood clot or something like that. I went in and after several tests, they confirmed that there were no clots roaming around. The chest pain was a side effect of the shot they gave me. However, my red blood cell count had plummeted again and they were going to keep me overnight for a transfusion. Yea! This meant that hopefully my dizziness would subside. After 2 units of blood, I am back home and feeling pretty good. They said it did bring my counts back up but not all the way so I would probably still feel tired. True, but the dizziness has gone away.

Enough of me.

My son was having a rough day the other day. He needed a haircut so I asked him if I could cut it. He said, "Like mommy's?" I said, "Sure!"

After going as short as 1/2" he felt his head and said, "No mommy, is not done!" So I went down to 1/4". Still, no satisfaction. Finally, I took it all off he was happy. I included some pictures of his happy bald head. I, of course, think he looks adorable. I asked Drue if she wanted to join. She still doesn't want to. She and Ethan are the only ones who remain behind, but it won't be long before we shave Ethan too. Poor Drue. The only one in the family with a full head of hair. What's wrong with that picture?

Thank you again, for all your love, thoughts, prayers and support. I love you all very much!

Paige

(Can anyone tell me how I add your blog to my blog? I am still learning.)

Mom's Point of View

2008-05-22T09:47:00.000-07:00

I decided it is my turn to give you an update from my point of view.
Paige, Sona, little E Mac and I went to Las Vegas for a day of R & R. Okay maybe not so much. We did shop until I was ready to drop. I think the pregnant one and the one with cancer did better than me. Ugh! We really did have a good time. It was just really nice to get away and leave the real world behind for a day. But reality set in again when we was walking back to my car and Paige said, "Mom, you have a flat." I proceeded to check out the tires on the stroller that was supporting me. Nope. No flat. She then said, "Mom, YOU have a flat." I knew for sure she was not talking about my belly but thought she was referring to my lack of energy while trying to navigate the slight incline into the parking garage. Nope. She was referring to the back rear tire on my car! Great! Here I am with a pregnant woman, one with cancer and a new baby, and me too old and too tired too even think about it! Lucky for us a very good Samaritan came along and noticed our dilemma and changed our tire for us. WHEW! That was really a close one. The only down side of having a flat tire in Vegas with a nice long drive home, is that when you put a donut spare on you can only drive 50 mph! That made the trip home even longer.....almost 4 hours! But what would a trip of any kind be without a little adventure?
So now for more on the chemo follow-up. It seems to get a little harder with each chemo for Paige. She gets such an awful headache each time. And this time she was much more nauseated and weak. Last weekend she hit a temperature of 102 when she is not supposed to go over 100.5 so that was just a little unnerving. But it was managed very nicely with the antibiotics and Tylenol. Since then she has been doing pretty darn good. On Tuesday she and Sona brought the kids over to my house and we took them down to the new Rec. Center swimming. We had a good time and the kids all had a blast. Paige took Drue and Jake down the BIG hydro tube a couple of times. I tell you, if you didn't know better you would never know she has this pesky disease.
I told her she should name her tumors "UP" and "Chuck". That just says it all! We are so happy that "Chuck" is shrinking!
Well tomorrow is chemo #4 so we'll post more later.
My personal thanks to all of Paige's neighbor's, ward members, and friends that have given so much of their time to help Paige and Josh and the family. I can never thank all of you enough. Also to our families for all of the help, the love, and the support you have shown and continue to show every day.
I love you all!

Mary Lee

2008-05-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

This is Ethan....trying to fill his drawers. Lovely, eh?

I have decided the world would be better off without hair. I am discovering how easy my life is without it. I think you all need to try it at least once. Think of the cost you save on shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, getting your hair done once every 3-4 months, any hair products. Also, the shower time is cut in half! No shaving, shampooing. Just in and out! No hair to do in the morning. It is also not as hot! Truly, if any of you are on the fence about shaving your head, I say....go for it! I have been trying to convince my daughter now for weeks but she is still too scared to. Tsk! Tsk! There would be no passing of judgement when you run into that old highschool friend that still has their graduation haircut. You wouldn't have to nudge your husband or friend when someone walked by with "the Claw" on their head from 1989. Ahhhhh.......just think of the possibilities!

All is well here. I had a bit of a fever this weekend but I was put on antibiotics and tylenol. Since, I have been fine.

The good news? My tumor has shrunk 2 centimeters! Yep! I am now down to 3 centimeters. This calls for celebration.

I am going in for my fourth chemo this Friday. Josh and I fill our Thursday nights like it is New Years Eve. We pull out the junk food and throw on a movie. It is our last chance to have a good time before the blech.

This last picture is of the airplane cake I made for Josh on his birthday back in April. Oh no. Not little Josh. My husband. Yep. He loved it. If any of you out there are bakers or cake decorators, I would love some tips. This sad little thing didn't last for the candles to go out. It still tasted good though and that is all that matters!

I love all your comments and I love hearing from you.

Thanks for all you do!

Paige

2008-05-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

I just realized that in my last blog, when I said, "This one hasn't been a good one," it made it sound like my 3rd child. You all must be sarcastically thinking what a great mom I am. Let me clarify that I meant my 3rd chemo. My 3rd child has actually been really really good. He sleeps most the night and my other children, as always, are wonderful.
Thanks again!
Paige

3rd round

2008-05-12T18:12:00.000-07:00

These are the little ones! I love 'em!

Well, this one hasn't really been a fun one....then again, which ones are? I guess it is payback for never getting morning sickness with any of my pregnancies. I have never known such nausea. The food, babysitting and support from ward members keeps me on track. Josh keeps trying to force feed me.....not happening. I do love fruit though. Mmmmmm. It is the only thing that really sounds good to me after a fun pumping chemo day!
Here is more of my journal:

From there, everything kind of happened in a whirl wind. Over the course of the next week and half I would undergo 2 surgeries, the birth of my baby, and my first chemo treatment. How exciting eh?
The tumor measures about 5 centimeters. The following surgery on Monday was to test my lymph nodes. The removed 2 and one tested positive so they removed 10 more and about half tested positive. Not too bad. They kept me overnight in the hospital. They thought the anesthetics would induce labor, which they started to but then it stopped. My doc decided to keep me in there anyway and induce me the next morning. At 12:56 p.m. on April 1 I had a beautiful baby boy. Ethan Mac weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz. and was 18 and a half inches long. Not bad for 2 weeks early!
On thursday I had a PET Scan which showed that there was no distant metastisis but that the cancer had spread a little to underneath my arm.
With tumor size and PET Scan this classifies the cancer as a Stage III. Not too bad, in my opinion.

The rest is history. I had Port put in on Friday April 11 and they wheeled me down to the oncologist for my first poison injection. I now undergo chemo every 2 weeks until they decide that the tumor is small enough to remove.
That is another story in itself and I don't want to bore anyone, but hopefully this answers some questions I seem to keep getting.
Again, I appreciate all the love and support.....I cannot say it enough. Thank you!

thanks!

2008-05-10T12:29:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to let you all know that I read each and everyone of your comments. They are so uplifting to me and make me giggle. Thank you for all the support of shaved heads and donations to locks of love. I think it is awesome.
This is the 2nd day after my 3rd chemo treatment. I have to honestly say that this one has been the least pleasant.
I don't think I have mentioned her on this blog yet but I met a lady, Karen Esplin at my first treatment who is a wonderful inspiration to me. We have set all our chemo's to coincide. It makes it fun to have her there. She is uplifting and spiritual which brings a good spirit not only to me but to everyone in that room.
Here is another portion of my journal:
This is dated on March 25:

I made the Doctor apointment with Karen Tormey on Tuesday, March25. I explained everything to the doc and expected her to agree that is was just a clogged milk duct. She did. But she wanted to bring her ultrasound machine in to confirm. A few minutes later she came in with the machine. She finally concluded that it was a little abnormal and she needed to perform a few more tasks to come to a conclusion.
She wanted to see if she could extract some milk through a needle to confirm this belief of a clogged milk duct. She informed me that she was first going to use a “smaller” needle and then if that didn’t work, she would use a larger one. The “smaller” needle was not small. I hate needles. I can tolerate them when I am pregnant with all the blood tests and everything but I usually just don’t watch. This supposedly smaller needle was, now I might be exaggerating but I swear to be true, about 1 ½” to 2” in just the needle length.
I felt the pinch and winced. Nothing came out. Crap! Now I had to see the larger needle.
This time she said she would numb me a bit so I didn’t feel the pain. By this time the anxiety started to set. This time she came back in with he nurse, a tray, some equipment and anesthetics.She proceeded to take 3 or 4 (I cant really remember) specimen from the larger lump and 1 from the smaller one.
She informed me that results would be back from pathology in about 4 days. She told me it could be one of two things. Either a lactating adenoma, a benign tumor which pregnant women occasionally get and eventually disappears or it could be cancer. But I knew that it was going to be the first mentioned. How could it not be.
I picked up my son from the waiting room and went on my way.
I honestly didn’t think anything of it.
The following Thursday started off pretty normal.
At 11:30 a.m. I got the phone call. It was Dr. Tormey. She asked how I was recovering from the needles. I told her a little bruised and tender but that was okay. She immediately got to the point.
“I got the results back from your biopsy…”
“Really?” I said. “That was quick.”
She than told me that they tested positive for cancer.
“You’re kidding….” Yeah. Like a doctor is going to call you and tell you have breast cancer and then say, “Just kidding!”
“How? I am only 28?!” I could feel the panic and anxiety start to set in. What do I do? How far a long am I?
I asked her what happens next. She told me that she would set up a meeting with an oncologist and asked if I had a preference. She told me of two and I just told her to pick one. I didn’t have any idea. She chose for me a Dr. Robert Lemon. She also told me that she had called my OBGYN and informed him. They would collectively decide what plan of action to take including the birth of my unborn child. She calmly told me to call my husband and mom and whatever support group I needed. Then we hung up.

2008-05-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Okay. So in the beginning I had hair. This is my headshot I paid good money for last fall from a professional photographer so I could have something more updated and professional looking when I auditioned for my shows....mostly at Tuacahn, the only professionally run Equity theatre company in St. George. Well, I auditioned this year but didn't get in. Obviously that is all moot now. But what do I do with these headshots? Do you think someone could photoshop out my hair? Would that make it more realistic? So, here is my first journal entry. I will try to edit them to be short. I don't want to bore anyone:

This is dated on march 28, 2008.

I am not a writer. I feel compelled to journal my thoughts but I hate writing on paper. So, I am not writer in 2 senses. I don’t literally like to write….it hurts my finger; and, I am not a writer. I don’t paint these beautiful pictures for the readers to imagine up. I am not colorful with my words. This is simply going to be my thoughts, feeling and emotions conveyed on this computer I am typing on.

About a month ago I notice a small lump in my right breast. I didn’t think anything of it. You see, when you are pregnant and even as far a long as I am, you attribute everything to the pregnancy. Every ache, pain, fatigue, etc.. I attributed the lump to a clogged milk duct, although, I had never had one before with any of my other pregnancies or nursing lapses. As the weeks went on, I got more and more tired. Again, third pregnancy, I am older….what else could it be? But, then I noticed something. I noticed that, quite plainly, something just wasn’t right. I was starting to worry. Worry that my baby was going to be healthy and safe. I stopped gaining weight. My uterus wasn’t growing and the fatigue became extremely overwhelming. Now, I don’t know if any of those has to do with my diagnosis, but these were just feelings I was experiencing. My OBGYN decided to do an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. Happily, everything was…..so why did I still feel this fear that something wasn’t right.
About two weeks after I felt the initial lump, I was sitting down for the evening, after the kids had been put to bed, and noticed that the lump was slightly larger. This concerned me so I mentioned it this time to my husband. I felt it and agreed that is was still probably a clogged milk duct. I reminded myself to ask my doc about it next time I went in. Did I remember? Nope!

That's all I have for now. Thanks everyone!

My first blog!

2008-05-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am really new at this blog thing. My family is trying to keep it updated for everyone but I also agreed that I would do my best to keep it updated as well. Let me first and foremost thank everyone for all the calls, emails, cards, love, prayers, and support. It has been awesome. I have truly gained a stronger testimony because of it.
I go in for my 3rd treatment today....blech! But, the good side is that I get to keep up on my emails, knitting and journaling.
My whole life I have been blessed with my mother's hair and my dad's hairline. My mom has really fine flat hair. It doesn't hold curl or really do anything for that matter. My dad had a serious case of male pattern baldness by the time he was 30. No, I wasn't bald, but that left me with an extremely high forehead and hair that was about as desiccated as a toupee.
When I was a teenager, I would joke around with my best friend Casey. We would put a bandana or a scarf on my head and pull it back just to the ridge of my hair line. Because that line was so high it looked like I was bald. I would turn to Casey and say, "Look Casey, I am a cancer patient."
I know. Pretty insensitive. I was a teeneager, eh? We all did and said stupid things back then. At least mine wasn't directed to anyone specific....right?
Well, I find it ironic and almost comical that over 10 years later and the joke has been backfired. I actually laugh at the satire. Who wouldn't? Hopefully you laugh too as you read that story. If you don't....stop being such a cynic!
I have been journaling this whole process. I know I have been getting a lot of questions on how I got to this point. I will share some of my journal entries. It is just a lot easier for me. They tell of the whole legend. From when I spotted the nasty little lump (which I am considering naming so I am open to suggestions) and its sidekick (another littler lump to the side of the larger one.....also open for names?) to where I am at in my treatments today. Please be patient. I will do my best. I am not sure if there is a universal law to blogging. Any expert bloggers out there will have to give me a manual on blogger etiquette.
Thank you again!
I love you all! Mwah!
Paige

Paige Update

2008-05-03T21:29:00.000-07:00

This is my "post-chemo #2" update. Paige had chemo again on April 25th. She was much better going into it this time because she hadn't just had surgery. All in all it went about as smooth as a session of chemo can go. It lasted close to 4 hours this time. Then the next 4 - 5 days were not so fun again. Pain, nausea, cold, lack of appetite, sores in mouth, tender scalp, dry skin, and oh yes.....hair falling out. Other than that, all is well.
Seriously, Paige and Josh are real troopers! Even as misreable as Paige gets for these days, she is always optimistic and trys to be up-beat. Don't get me wrong, she has her down times but they seem to be few and far between. I am so proud of them both and the love they show to one another all of the time. Drue and mini Josh are big helpers too........ah.....hmmmmm! They like to hold little Ethen Mac and feed him and mother him and kiss on him alot! They really are great little kids!
On the Sunday after her chemo, because her hair was beginning to vacate the premis, Dave and I went over to take pictures while Paige shaved Josh's head then he shaved hers. What a beautiful act of love they shared. I must say, Josh looks really good with his head shaved and it is finally starting to get tan. And Paige looks absolutely beautiful! Not many woman can look as great as she does with no hair! She wears a hat or scarves when she goes out and even at home to keep her head warm. She wears her wig occasionally but says it bothers her so she prefers hats and scarves until she gets more used to it. But any way you look at her I think you would agree that she really looks beautiful!
On Monday, Sona, Paige and I are going to Las Vegas and do a little shopping and have lunch. We are looking forward to this little change of events. In the meantime, Paige has been going to the Gym and to her Hip Hop class to keep some normalcy in her life.
She truly is one in a million....billion....trillion....well, you get the point.
Thank you again for all of the love and for all of your prayers and concern. Please keep it all coming, you can't imagine how much it helps all of us as a family!
My love to you all........Mary Lee

The Process

2008-04-30T14:32:00.001-07:00

Let the shaving begin!!

Still Beautiful

2008-04-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

Still Beautiful!!

Absolutely Adorable!!

In the last month:

1 Diagnosis

2 Surgeries

1 Body Scan

2 Chemos

1 Baby

( And a Partridge in a

Pear Tree!!)